I haven't signed the lease yet. I put down the deposit and I've been approved. They have the paperwork waiting for me to sign.
He just brings this up to me last night. I spent the night last night and I'm going to stay here tonight too. But last night he comes and sits next to me on the couch and says, "so.... do you HAVE to get the apartment?" M: Well, I can't keep driving from Dad's. H: Maybe you could come home?
Well, F. I don't think we're ready at this point for me to move back in. I think that I am still very upset about how much he f-ed me over (every time I see a pregnant woman I want to cry). H still says he's also not really attracted to me. He said he loves spending time with me and thinks I'm fun, but he still doesn't have that "spark". I think MC can help us with this, but still....
Do I want to move home to a man who isn't fully in love with me? Do I want to move home to a man who hurt me SO badly and I'm not over that yet?
I know the ultimate goal in my mind is still to come home, be happy married, and give ourselves the healthy R we deserve and be good role models for D. That I have no question about.
Maybe the T can reassure H that just because I move to my own places does not mean this is a step backwards for us. I feel like it's actually a step towards me moving in. We can have the space we need to work on ourselves without having to be around each other all the time.
He's grown so much. He really has. And this weekend was the first time he admitted that he was "brainwashed and crazy" during my pregnancy. He has admitted to himself that he's pretty sure potential OW did want to sleep with him (although still vehemently denies any real attraction of any kind and absolutely no contact). He says he knows how badly he messed up with me.
I really did not anticipate him asking me to move home and my answer being no. At least, for now, it's no.
