Finah: Her R with her parents is a dysfunctional one. They are pretty healthy, good-standing people; they have been married for 30 years, they both have P.h.D's, and they both have pretty good jobs working for the state. However, they were abusive toward my W and her brother growing up in the sense that they were "perfectionist" parents -- my W often told me that she felt like her opinion was never really valued and that nothing she ever did was truly good enough. Also, her mom was emotionally and verbally abusive for a while. She eventually apologized after to my W after going to therapy, but the damage was done. Finally, her dad had affairs with another woman multiple times, once while her mom was giving birth to her brother. I can't help but think that such an act might have contributed to this somehow.
Gritter: Thanks so much for the advice. It's good to hear stuff from somebody who's already dealt with someone very similar to my W. I have at this point abandoned the hope that she will return to any kind of rational behavior -- like you said, I am the perpetrator now and she is once again the victim of my selfish, awful ways. I hope that she chooses to face her scars head-on, but perhaps she never will. I will just have to do my best to be healthy and happy in the meantime.
