So a week has gone by and it's been both painful and uplifting. I have been GALing and feeling much more like my own self. Been getting things off my list (one of my biggest problems) and have been really focused on my issues. I am no longer speaking to W so I have been working on my issues with others - friends and family that I have also mistreated. I am become far more in touch with myself, much stronger and much more aware of other's feelings.
She on the other hand sat me down last Wednesday night and gave me a heart filled speech about how much she cared for the kids, how she'd never lie to me and how she wasn't going to start lying now. Then she said she'd Ice'd her A and planned on keeping it on ice until we sell the house - then she would see where we stand. She also agreed to a couples session with my therapist.
Well, less than 24 hours the nanny quit and she flew into a rage aimed at me - screaming like a maniac in front of the kids. I told her we were no longer together and she had no right to talk to me like that and if she didn't find a way to speak like an adult, then she would be handling the kids solo tonight. That was all she needed. My therapist texted me and told me to apologize just to keep her from cancelling appt so I turned the other cheek and did. As an aside, therapist thinks she exhibits Borderline Personality Disorder symptoms. The Anorexia is also a sign of severe instability.
In any case, it was too late. This gave her the excuse she needed and for 3 nights in a row, she flagrantly went out and screwed the OM (coming back late each night).
So now she's a liar too. At this stage there is no point in sitting here as an observer of someone else's love affair. I plan to use the couples session to tell her she's got to move out until we can sell the house and LEAVE ME THE KIDS. If she doesn't, I will be forced to sell the house now and lose $200K in extra equity. I am also exploring renting the house (which prevents us from having a $200K pool of money to fight over).
I know I am off the track as far as DB is concerned but there are some relationships that really aren't worth saving. My therapist is a follower of DB and Michelle and she is conflicted also. She said the behavior is sadistic, amoral and dishonorable. Sadly, I now am beginning to believe that we never really had the magical, romantic and passionate partnership we once did...maybe we were just fooling ourselves and reality was something we just didn't want to see.
Thank you for the community members here who took time from their busy schedule to listen and comment. Your comments helped me through a really dark time when I felt I was drowning. God bless you.
