Rape survivors can harbor some really deep scars that come out in destructive ways, and I have seen all sorts of destructive, out-of-touch reactions come out of her throughout our R.
You ARE dealing with someone in crisis.
The affair is a symptom.
This isn't normal, plain vanilla, WAW.
It is a WAW with nuts on top.
Sexual abuse/trauma.
It sounds like she was being treated and that she exhibits some signs of BPD.
It has been my experience that they do exhibit signs of the "Cluster B" disorders.
My experience? My W.
The pervasive characteristic I have noticed is the resolution of emotional distress by assuming the victim role.
They develop coping mechanisms that WERE healthy for them to develop to deal with the trauma but are not healthy in adult relationships.
The other thing you have to realize is that she will lack empathy until she decides to stop being the victim.
You are the perpetrator now in this scenario.
Don't expect rational behavior until she decides to deal with her demons.
You have to remove yourself from the equation West.
Let her live with her choices. It is the only way she will decide to make different ones.
Don't expect anything but hope for the best.
AND start living your life like she isn't coming back.
I tell you this because it is the only healthy choice you.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
