Back home - but for how long?

[NYCPeter]

So that didn't last long.

On Sat night, W came home at 3:00am - I was in bed, pretended to be asleep and we had a talk the next day. I asked her what time she came home and she said the correct time and that she just hung out after work. I told her that she's free to come and go as she pleases, but that coming in at those hours is not doing our relationship any good (I know, 2x4).

Not sure if this was the correct thing to do - but I said why not set milestones and goals. Why not keep working at it until the end of the year and if either of us felt that our M hadn't improved sufficiently by then that we take it to the next logical step.

She said she would need to think about it (you may recall she wanted to stop working on the M), I said that all I ask from her is respect - that she treats me as she would expect to be treated by her spouse.

Later that evening W says she is meeting her friend (divorcee) for a drink, should be home in 90 mins, before she leaves she gives me a hug (I am sitting down) and shows me she has her W ring on (she hasn't worn it since I stormed out the previous weekend). I'm feeling good - all postitive right.... 4 hrs later (1:00am) - W is not home. I called her cell phone, no answer - she came home at 1:30am. I was in bed, she said she was in a bar and lost track of time. I was upset and angry - a few hours earlier she was saying she was leaving for 90 mins and put her rings on to show re-commitment to our M. I told her this was disrespectful and I deserved better than this - we both lay there for 15 mins obviously awake. I defused the situation by saying "I suppose sex is out of the question" - we haven't ML since the bomb. A few more jokey references to sex and we spooned and hugged all night.

I need help - I know I can't stop her from going out all hours, and I know she seems remoresful for doing so afterwards. Do I just ignore it? Do I tell her I will not look after the girls and leave the house before she goes out?

One other thing - was the time limit and milestone thing a good idea? I did say I did say that M was a continuous effort and that we needed to keep working at it for the rest of our lives.

The fact she keeps doing things that I don't like shows a complete lack of respect - she's either having an affair (and I haven't ruled out with the divorcee as she spends so much time with her), or she clearly doesn't care and wants to have an affair.