Time For Change

[MrBond]

So you're only 2 months sober and you're still expecting her to take your changes at face value. Try 2 years sober and have that same conversation.

Alot of that conversation was still centered around you and how you can't see why she can't work on it, etc. Alot of it was your assumptions. She's afraid. Plain and simple. Then when you go and keep acting selfish and taking care of your pain and needs, it shows you hadn't learned anything. Even with the kids. It was a chance for you to rebuild a good R. Instead you only cared about how much it hurt you. Your W didn't hurt you on purpose. You took it that way. She was still trying to reach out to you and you acted like how you were when you were drunk. Thinking about yourself.

Did you even think how hard it might have been on her to send you those pictures? And that she actually thought enough of you to send you nice pictures? Some spouses on here run off with the kids and don't speak to their LBS EVER.

And all that talk about the OM. Is he a band-aid? Sure he is. But if you're the one that's been causing the hurt, don't you think you need to keep working on that first so that she doesn't need the band-aid?

"But even that is fake I think, when I see her she looks tired, her eyes don't sparkle like they use to, so I'm not convinced."

Again all assumptions. Who cares if you're not convinced? She wants to convince herself. That's all that matters. What have you been doing to show her (not tell her) that she's safe with you? That you can be everything the OM is and more?

A couple of months sober just doesn't cut it. Actions do. And you getting your tattoo removed was pretty childish. If you want to stay in the M, why do that? If you keep telling her that the two of you can work things out, won't removing the tattoo show her that it's over? Mixed messages don't save M. Consistent actions do.