Keep trying to be positive about the future, and I am, but also a huge lump of sadness is still in by stomach that won't go away.
I get to work and decide that I won't do my usual text to my wife to check on the kids, they will be fine, I know that, I need to chill out a little and try not to think about things too much.
All going well then, 8.30 wife calls, I have to answer as I think something may have happened?
But no, its to tell me that she has taken some pictures of our daughter dressed up for a nations day at school, that she was in a mad mood and didn't want to go to school, and that our son was tired this morning and was slow getting ready??
It was all light hearted and in humour, it was nice and I thanked her for calling me and letting me know, BUT WHY!!!!!!
After yesterday's conversation, she made it clear that she was done, she didn't like me, wanted to remain friendly, but that was it.
It hurt, but I got it, it's not about OM, although he's there, it's her, she has had enough of me, she like having time to herself, she like living alone with our kids, and any OM will just be a part of her new life, not her life as previous.
Fine I get it, so I mentally prepare myself to avoid all contact as possible, not even 12 hours later a call?? She even called me again last night over something trivial when I think about it!!!!
I know these are nothing calls, and maybe I read too much into it, but why call??? I don't want to say to her not to call me, as that is silly with 2 kids involved, but if she is so happy and moved on, why does she feel the need to call me?? Last week when she was angry, she wouldn't answer her phone to me, and didn't answer my texts about the kids?? WTF
I still think she is totally confused and trying to kid herself into what she wants.
She even said in the call, she will come to mine later and drop somethings off for the kids!!!
So I feel I'm back on the rollercoaster again, I cannot help it but contact hurts me, it makes me see what I want and I'm missing, but I cannot have it, its like a form of torture at times.
Does she know she is doing it? Is she torturing herself by doing it, to try and convince herself?
This is so f***** up!!!!
It is a massive rollercoaster of ups and downs, I keep getting off, then just as I get my breath I'm dragged on again!!
I know I'll hurt again tonight when I see her or she calls.
He's gone back away to work, and she wants to be friends again, "I'll stop by your place", " Daughter and son did this and that", all laughs, all nice.
I don't want to say stop calling me, but I don't know what to do right now?
I don't think she know what she wants either, at the minute she wants it all!!!! and is getting it, a family, a lovely home, her freedom, her "husband" at the end of the phone to talk to, and OM when he's in town to have some fun with!!!
No wonder she is so happy!!!! But even that is fake I think, when I see her she looks tired, her eyes don't sparkle like they use to, so I'm not convinced.
I don't know if she feels like things have gotten so far down the line that she can't stop it, and cannot come back to me.
I would do anything to save my marriage, so I have to be friendly and not show any anger
