While I was out walking, I was suddenly struck by the comparison between me and my W's ex-BF, who she was with prior to meeting me. This gels with Finah's observation that my W is spending a lot of time keeping tabs on someone she no longer cares about.
When I started dating my W, she was still living with her ex as a roommate even though they had broken up several months before. They had been together since high school, so their R lasted about 3-4 years. He was truly the definition of a loser. He dropped out of school. He spent hours doing little else but playing video games, including hours of World of Warcraft. He did none of the chores in the apartment, leaving my W to do them all.
During their R, he quickly became selfish and self-absorbed. He insulted her by saying that he didn't really want to have sex with her anymore because she gained weight. At one point, he broke up with her to pursue another woman, then tried to have sex with my W when the OW would have nothing to do with him. During the time that we dated, he carried on an R with a married woman. While my W's family has adored me for years, they never really cared much for the ex.
Now after all of this...did my W want to have anything to do with him? Did she go crying to HIM whenever we had problems? Did she text or call every couple of weeks, just to see "how he was doing"? Heck, no. She barely thought twice about him. About the most that she ever did was look up his FB profile once, then laugh about what a loser he had become. That was it. She just...stopped caringabout him.
This definitely makes me feel like there's something going on in her head in regard to me. I have no idea what I represent to her anymore, but it's obvious that she cares enough that it scares and angers her that I'm trying to go my own way.
This whole thing depresses me. I really feel like there's nothing I can do at this point but damage control. I have pictured in my mind trying to reason with her, but there is no reasoning with someone who will not see reason. All she can see is the reality that she has spun for herself. Until SHE decides to accept reality, I am in for a very hard road indeed.
