I'm struggling because once again my mind is filled with constant thoughts of him and what's going on. I'm finding it difficult to reign in my thoughts regarding the hope and possibility that he is trying to make his way back to me against something else ... I'm back to analysing everything.
Now that I get to see him at the weekend, I find the following couple of days a struggle 'cos I don't know what goes on in his life. I don't know if he is with OW. Do I want that pain of knowing all that stuff again??
I'm resisting temptation (thus far;early days) regarding asking him questions and applying pressure but the bottom line is this, it was so much easier for me when I was detached and even though I dreamt of him becoming part of our lives again, I cannot believe how hard this is.
But when do I start asking .. if ever? Is there a way to protect myself from more hurt?
And its great that he is showing an interest in the kids again ... truly wonderful. But I'm concerned for them as well .. is this transient? Is this a touch-and-go?
He became such a different person prior to, during and since bomb drop, can that person now be completely gone?
Its Monday morning here and I know that the it will take til Wednesday to be back in charge of my thoughts again. And then it will be Saturday and it starts again.
