Brief over view: H left two years ago during the middle of an EA followed by a couple of PA's one that lasted a five months. Mine is a familiar story, I did everything wrong initially then discovered DB (books and site) and utilised the invaluable advice of DB councillor who set me on track. I also did the homework reading OP set me and consistently read these boards to keep me focussed.
I detached and worked on myself. My efforts to GAL include resuming my post-grad research and getting involved with theatre production. The relationship with my children is a constant source of happiness and coming home to them at the end of each working day is a blessing.
None of this discounts the months of pain, tears and anguish that I thought would never stop. I actually believed it wouldn't be possible to recover from the emotional brutality of the separation. Of course there are still those isolated days that I find myself struggling with an unexpected intensity of sadness and loss that threatens to overwhelm me - but I've learnt to feel it and work through it. Especially with the help of God.
For well over a year I have heard hardly anything from my H. Weeks and weeks have gone past and then he might turn up for one of the kids sports events, not communicate with me or them and disappear again. His estrangement included not sending birthday messages to kids and not visiting S15 when he broke his arm. They described the loss of their dad to their councillor as being as if he had died.
But thankfully, I have reached a point where I know I can do this on my own and I have started to gain some real clarity back in my life.
And then ...
Seven weeks ago he started turning up to every sports event and sitting with me, which meant we were spending most of Saturday and Sunday together. At one of the events I was supervising an activity for a couple of hours in the centre of the track and he came and joined me to help out. He unexpectedly organised for my car to be serviced and arranged a hire car for me and paid for it (when he left me he had told me that the car was now my responsibility). I remembered reading 25yrsmlc's advice and thanked him in Mother Theresa style! And then he asked if he could come to S17 school function (I asked S, he agreed) but then H joined myself and mutual friends (who he hasn't had anything to do with for two years) for a meal and drinks afterwards.
He mentioned things from the past with fondness (when he left he was adamant he'd been unhappy for years) he was curious about things I was doing and was genuinely smiling and holding my gaze.
He also asked if we could have a 'family dinner' - the two youngest kids agreed so last week and this the four of us have gone to a restaurant together. He asked me last night if we could keep doing this every week.
To add even more confusion to this turn of events, last Monday my lawyers served his with notice for FS - first mediation to take place Nov 15.
Okay, so now I find myself struggling again. What is happening? Do I dare to hope? I am so anxious about navigating my way through this.
