First off, thanks 25 for your consistent responses and advice. They are truly appreciated.
Secondly, I welcome advice and response from others on this board as well. Don't be shy, I'm ready to hear the stuff I didn't want to years ago, so let me have it!
Some quick journaling...
MC was on Friday, and we talked about our breakdown in communication as noted a couple posts above. What came out of that was essentially recognizing a trust issue. MC was quick to point out that many folks going through this, and then on through divorce and beyond, have a complete lack of trust which affects all aspects of a relationship, married or not.
Many of you are probably familiar with the basics, but what is pertinent in my case (can't speak for my W) is that I don't trust her now because I feel like she has betrayed the love I've given. Simple on the surface but more complex in reality. While this isn't necessarily a revelation, my actions due to my mistrust are very much a revelation. The key, according to MC, is letting go (very much as DB puts it) of your fear. While I've let go a lot, I haven't let go completely, and I can get defensive over comments that aren't offensive.
I continue to recognize behavior patterns in myself, and continue to address these for the betterment of my life. I recognize many of the same patterns in my wife, but I don't do anything other than recognize them; that's for her to address.
So this all brings me to my question. Taking everything with a grain of salt has been helpful on many occasions, but I do miss the mark sometimes. Some of the advice given here on DB is to believe none of what she does and only half of what she says. I am looking for some experience on this as far as what others have done.
If I treat her that way 100% of the time it would be like having a relationship with someone you truly mistrust. Since I need to build trust, I need some insight into how to balance these two things.
