IS, don't beat yourself up about the conversation with hyour W. None of us can be 100% perfect all the time. We will ALL backslide from time to time on the DB'ing. I think the most important thing you can do is learn from what you did wrong and what you did right. Concentrate on doing more of the right next time.
I don't agree either your W taking your S to be over at the OW's for a hayride. However, there's probably not a whole lot you can do about it. I'm sure she has fully justified this in her mind. I do not like what this kind of stuff does to our kids.
Hopefully the changes you have made are for you and your own self improvement. Hopefully they are leading you toward being the best IS possible. If that's the case, you will be able with the changes even if your W doesn't trust them. It will take some time for her to be able to trust the changes.
Regarding moving out - she doesn't need your permission to move out. If she does move out, use it to your advantage. Enjoy the lack of drama.
It seems like with the colleague at work, she is projecting a bit of herself on you. I think you're right - part of it is to assauge her own guilt. I got the same thing - there is a woman at my work who has recently been D'd (LBS BTW) and she came in conversation the night of bomb #2. It wasn't the first time either. I can't say she's not attractive, but I refuse to comprimise my own morals and beliefs because of what my W is doing.
