When life hands you lemons add alcohol and stir!

[mishka422]

Ok, I've been reading but haven't had much to say lately. Everything that comes to mind just seems inane and useless to others in my own head so I stay quiet. I'm silently supporting everyone though.

Today was an experience I'm still reeling a little over.

I went 'drugstore stalking' with a friend who was running around looking for a certain nail polish color. It was a beautiful day and I just couldn't see spending it cleaning my house so I went with her.

Ok, so that was the start of the day. Fun times but let me rewind to yesterday. There was a reason that I had never gone to Aldi before to save money. In my sick, twisted little mind, I did anything and everything to avoid going to the next town over where Aldi is because I had internal terrors that I would run into the broom. I have avoided it like the plague. The few times I have had to go there I drive directly where I need to go, get in, and get out ASAP. Just yesterday I finally admitted that to my best friend when I was telling her what I got at Aldi. I had never told another person that - EVER.

Back to today, my friend was shopping stores in that town. I went with her and on the way there I told her what I had told my best friend yesterday. She is one of my closest friends too and I did preface it with "I know this is completely crazy - don't judge me!" She just laughed it off and we went on.

The last store we went to was a tiny little Sally Beauty Supply. We were looking at some polish and I had walked about halfway up the aisle from her when I heard this woman say to my friend that she was looking for this specific Orly polish. I caught sight of her out the corner of my eye and my heart jumped into my throat and I nearly threw up right there. It was the broom! My friend is standing there chatting with her about nail polish and I ran cowering around the end of the aisle. I couldn't breathe, I was shaking from head to toe. It was the WORST! My friend kept talking to her and I'm standing on the other aisle texting her telling her that my worst fear came true. She didn't have her glasses on so she couldn't read it. Mind you, this store is only 4 aisles wide. SO HORRIBLE. She started calling out to me and I just kept escaping around another end. I couldn't escape the store. It was awful. She finally came around the side and found me. Thankfully the broom didn't follow her. I told her who she was chatting with and she was horrified. I told her it wasn't like she would have any way of knowing that. I just really needed to get out of there.

So, I kept shaking when I got home. Couldn't calm down. I wasn't going to say anything to Gabe about it because I'm ashamed that I would react like that. He could tell something was wrong with me though and I can't stand having any kind of secret. I told him what happened and explained I wasn't proud of my reaction but it is what it is. He told me he was sorry I still felt like that.

That was the end of that. I'm not sure I should have told him, but then again we NEVER talk about anything having to do with the past, how we feel about anything or about each other, and we certainly never discuss what this thing is we have with each other. As far as I know, he still feels he's a free agent and when some woman comes along that he finds better than me, he'll be gone.

So, so, so tired.

Alcohol time, my nerves are totally shot.