Well I have been screwing up lef and right. I am letting my fears take over. I have got to stop. I just get so scared that he is planning something behind my back or that he is still in the strong grips of the EA even though he claims he is not. THe phone is still kept a huge secret. I think he is using a different email now. It drives me nuts.
I tried to talk to him too much and give him some information. I should not have done that. It put us into two days of hell.
Then weekends reall suck at his job and I think he blames me for it because we moved back here so I could be with my older boys. I keep trying to remind him that I don't like it here either and we just need to ride out the next couple years and we can move away again if we want to. I think he resents me.
Of course that confuses me more. He tells me that he really wanted to just get the kids and I up here and then leave us. But then why did he take all his stuff and move with us? Why does he stay? Something keeps him here. He says he is only physically attracted to me and loves me like a friend but I really think it is more than that. He just wants to run from our problems instead of deal with them, and he feels like a failure. I think he is also afraid to open his heart back up to me because he is not 100% sure the changes I made will stick. I was a hot mess for 3 years and I kept trying to get my act together but I would let things slip. I did not know my marriage was on the verge of falling apart or I might have stuck to the changes more and worked harder to get out of my depression and be a better wife.
Either way I feel like I am living on borrowed time.
