Waiting for love to return

[sandi2]

Have you read Michele's book, Divorce Remedy? She also has several free articles here on DB's home page. Read the WAW Syndrome article. There are several youtube on Michele talking.

Having a WAW is a very serious matter, but to have a WAW who has an EA or PA is extremely harmful to the MR. It is very difficult for both of you to heal, but it's not impossible and you can survive this crises.

The main ingredient is for both of you to want the M to last. Most of it, right now, depends upon your W. Does she want the M?

She is wrong to keep "looking" for some sign of "in love" emotional feelings toward you to come in and knock her over. It won't happen that way....and I'll tell you why. When she began to indulge with sexual talks with OM, that contaminated her heart/mind. She experienced a new sexual thrill from their conversations, and she hadn't felt that way in many years. You can read on the Internet how her brain released a hormone that made her feel like "falling in love". All you have to do is type PEAs into search.

This is as addictive as any drug you could purchase. It's the feeling she had that made her keep returning to OM. The more you confronted her, the deeper undercover she would go in order to get her "fix" from OM.

As long as she craves that thrill she got from the EA....the harder it will be for her to want to have a M with you. She has to end the A, first. In order for her to do that successfully, it usually means no contact whatsoever. Even if she just sees him and doesn't say anything...it will be like starting all over at square one.

The first step in saving the M has to be her willingness to stop all type of contact with OM. She doesn't have to have any feelings for you right now. Harsh I know, but bear with me. This is extremely hard for your W to do, even more than she expects herself, at this present time. She has to "kick" her addiction. She doesn't even know she's addicted, and would probably get angry if you told her. The best thing would be for her to read about the PEAs.

Loving, romantic feelings for you will come later. Much work and time will pass before she is able to "in love" with you. It's just the hard facts of how it works. The good news is.....she can do it! Your M can be restored!

In reading many stories from the LBH's here on the board, I've learned that men has a furious need for the WAW to fully commit to the M....and then he'll be fin e. But he can't rest until she gives him that commitment. Sadly, however, few WAW's give that commitment up front. Those who do, usually discover that the commitment has been broken b/c of the addition. She backslides and then either she or the H gives up and thinks it's hopeless.

So, you have to have a lot of strength for yourself, your family, and even for her, in order to travel this road. Are you up to the task? Talking to a DB Coach might be just as helpful right now, as flying out to see Michele in person. I do believe that you should only talk to experienced pro-marriage and family counselors/therapists.

She may not desire to see a MC. There again, is the WAW's tendency. It won't help to push her to see one. Here's the thing about the WAW.....You will not be able to fix her. Men are natural fixers and they usually try to fix what's broken in his W. She doesn't want the H to fix her. She may not see herself as needing fixed, but if she did....she would not let "him" do it. The sooner you really get that....the better off you'll be in this process.

Another thing LBH's want to do is discuss the R with the WAW. Can you tell me why this is a big no-no? B/c it's simply another way he's trying to fix the situation. Won't work.

There are many things that do work, and many more that won't, but can't get it all down in one post.

We are here to support and help guide as best we can. We need you to post as often as possible to keep us updated on what's happening. Don't talk to friends or relatives about the stitch. Not healthy to pull them into it, and they can't help being biased.

So, you up for it?