PLEASE!!! Need help quick! Calling all vets!

[Queen_of_Swords]

Tad listen to Antonia.
There is nothing we can do, nothing we can say, to change the road our spouses are on. You appear to still be looking for the magic combination that will unlock the door to reason, and reconciliation.

There isn't one.

They are lost to us. Perhaps for good.
For now that choice is theirs, and we are left sorting through the wreckage of their leaving and making our lives function without them.
In the future should they figure their garbage out and want to return; the choice to forgive, accept, or reject their return is then ours.

We can only be the best people we know how to be. We can only work on becoming more than what we now are. We can only work on becoming emotionally healthy, and obtaining new tools FOR OURSELVES, not for them. That's what DB is about, having a new skill set and tools!

We deserve to live our lives to the fullest and be who we were truly meant to be with or WITHOUT them. Yes, it's damned hard work, and we often feel like folding in on ourselves in misery.

You have a choice Tad, you can choose to see her leaving as a punishment or a release. You can develop new skills and tools for her possible return, but also in case you develop another relationship. You'll be much better equipped to deal with things in either case!

Is it easy to change your perspective? No. It involves reevaluating many things and your place in the world. It involves challenging assumptions you had, testing the things you believed to be true, and seeing your role in things with courage and honesty.

Tad I made a bucket list of all the things I wanted to do, but felt I could not do with my STBX or in my circumstance. I realize I had held myself back.
What things did you want to do but felt you couldn't with the W in the picture?

I plan to go hot air ballooning as soon as my finances allow. Champagne trip. Perhaps in early November.

Tad letting go is hard, but she's already gone and has been for a while. You're holding on to a illusion now. An illusion of what was, and not what is. She's gone Tad. Your arms are holding mist.

It's a real loss and it's like they died to us. In a sense they have.

(((Hugs))))