Are there any midlife women who want daily sex?

[TeaEarlGreyHot]

I've been sitting on the sidelines while others are trying to make sense of what you've written now and in the past. And I know how it feels to see the attempts at being helpful as if you (and I) haven't already thought about some particular point or action and actually done the thing that someone is suggesting.

I'll suggest that it extends from others thinking from the POV that this is a "problem" that has a "solution." And let's face it, we largely present it that way and in our venting are also looking for either a silver bullet or a collection of silver BB's that we haven't already thought through.

Yet, what we really have is a predicament, not a problem with (simple) solutions.

If you read every word carefully, you will see that it is entirely logically consistent. If you read between the lines and draw conclusions which are not stated, I see how you can read it wrong.

I actually wish, at least just for my own sake, that I had followed through with some of my wishes which I considered as good as done a few years ago. But as I stated, I have so far chickened out on FWB offers.

Let me also state that my impression from a couple of years ago was that you were or had taken up the FWB offer(s). AND, there could be mistaking that was the impression of others given the reaction they gave to you AT THE TIME.

While I have not completed an exhaustive search of all your posts during that time frame, I don't think you gave an unequivocal denial and explanation that you were only just thinking or fantasizing about it.

Perception is reality, even in your marriage, disfunctional as it may be. The fact that someone would have to "read between the lines" to discern the truth is too cute by half.

That being said, I'm not sure I agree with those who have the attitude that fantasizing about a playboy centerfold in a bathroom or having a lapdance has a major bearing on repairing a relationship that's been SSM for over a decade. In fact, I would be more worried about a man who was able to be completely non-orgasmic and unaroused for that whole period of time.

This really simple...you either agree or you don't. While it may not be an active issue in your marriage, it can and does have a way of showing up because those women in the magazine or the calendar or strip club are some idealized fantasy or readily "available" women as sexual partners.

That's not to say that those women on the pages aren't attractive in their own right, but the make-up, lighting and the whole photographic process is designed to appeal to you at the lower brain function level and to train you to what to find appealing as well as providing a view of what you've been trained to find appealing. But most women cannot "compete" with that and would ask why they would have to.

I've had this conversation before with both wives and with other women over the years. There are some obvious contradictions in what we, as males, are told about this and yet the underlying message that would come through is that somehow those women are "more appealing" than what we actually have (and that "hurts").

As for your final sentence about what you'd worry about...completely irrelevant to this conversation. It's not an issue in your marriage is it? If not, its just a red herring to defend some POV.

And interesting how none of you has even asked about emotional affairs?! Am I feeling a whif of bible-belt sexual morality here?

Since you bring it up, do you have an emotional affair to admit to and clean up in your marriage? Is there an emotional affair that your wife has had or is having that is causing some issue in the marriage? If not, why bring it up?

And while an emotional affair might have the distinction of being non-sexual (and not just the subtlety of being non-intercourse), most would tell you that in marriage it is a distinction without a difference. If it does not play a role in your marriage (past or present either because you've had one or more emotional affairs and/or she has), then it's just a hypothetical not worth discussing.

There no whiff of bible belt morality in that. It's just a distraction.

The Captain