Ok, So here's my 2cents. What are you going to do? Yes, it may seem inconsistant but really it's not. It sounds more like a mult-level plan to me but the information is being spread so let's see if I can gather it all together in a simpler form.
1. First and foremost, work on yourself. Stop any behaviours which may be interpreted as unloving towards your wife, up to and including strip clubs, inuendo, etc. 2. Stop all enabling activities. My personal opinion is that although you seem to be having fun, you're not really having romantic dates. If it's romantic make sure that message is very clear and concise. You don't want another mother or sister, you want a wife and girlfriend (yes, the same person! ) 3. You are blocking any attempt to improvement by thinking you've done it all. Stop that! You have tried in the past but it's more like the "I tried to diet and didn't lose any weight" thinking instead of the "this is my new lifestyle and I'm going to be healthy" thinking. Stop the negative thoughts, stop the "know-it-all, seen-it-all, done-it-all" attitude, dude. 4. Stay healthy and work on your own issues and you'll find that issues with you spouse will be quite a bit less. And no, you don't have a perfect life "except for sex". You have a live in sister. 5. You do need to attempt to get your wife to see someone about this issue. You do need to set a boundary about your life and what quality of life you want. If sex is important to you (and romance) the boundary might be "I'm going to live in a romantic, sexual relationship in the next 18 months and I'd prefer it was with you." In otherwords, focus on you! You are important! You aren't setting boundaries and just "hoping for change" or "hopelessly hoping for change". Hope in one hand and a nickel in the other and what do you have? Hope is all fine and good but it's action and energy that win the game.
You've been letting this go for too long. If you want a sexless marriage keep putting up personal stop signs. Those "happy times" you have can't be all that good, in my humble opinion, because always in the background of your mind you're saying "yeah, but sex is better".
So, fix you first. Take away as many of your own personal bad habits and blemishes as possible. If nothing else and there is no change then it makes you a very attractive partner for someone who wants to have fun that also includes sex and romance.
Think about it and quit wallowing in your past.
So, what is your plan for improving you? What are your goals (without goals you're going exactly nowhere)?
//NH
P.S. You're not unique in your problems but your situation is unique to you and yours to solve. We can only pep you up and give you our own personal experiences to help you along the way. I strongly suggest professional help but some succeed without it (sort of like people that act as their own legal counsel and you know what they say about that, if not as 25).
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