I read your post a few days ago but didn't have time to reply back. I've been thinking about it though. We're definitely very similar and that's kind of amazing I think.
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But as they say, GAL is about doing things that are personally stimulating and enjoyable... so while I'd love to be a little more social, physically with people... I still get in "me time"... smile
That's the same thought I've had. I often wonder if it is a rationalization or it's really GAL. I don't know for sure.
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Like you (Huh), I am a jack of all trades type with a very narrow and deep specialty
Interesting. Is there a way you can market that specialty in a way that is not geographically limited? Provide it as a service online? Teach it online?
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so maybe... a 20 year career prior to retirement age is something I will do... but I know how much commitment and resolve that would require from me...
I don't hear a lot of enthusiasm in that statement. Somethings wrong there.
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I never put my personal respect into that equation, but after reading your thread... I wonder if that is something for me to review...
There's a lot there for you to review. You are part of that equation regardless of how detached you feel. When I almost lost my mom to alcohol a couple of years ago it brought out all kinds of stuff. And I didn't have much of a relationship with her. She was mean and I avoided her. Still mom.
There's also a book trhat is reffered to as "the little black book" that I was thinking was from Dr Jan but I can't seem to find it. A very quick read and very enlightening.
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I wonder if, you and I... we look to be only "good enough" and are not so focused on money... because of the alcoholism... we seek relationship (acknowledgment) in our work, rather than monetary gain... in my case, money was never a problem growing up... but I felt abandoned due to the alcoholism... and then combine that with a sense of unworthiness...
You are onto something very very important there and this is what I wanted to respond to. Yes you are absolutely right. I've been working on this a lot. I would derive satisfaction from coming up with brilliant entrepreneurial ideas. But the satisfaction was gained from the coming up with the idea and relaying it. Not from bringing it to fruition. I have a bunch of multi-million dollar ideas laying around partially done. This year I decided to narrow my focus and only work on one until it took off. Then I would have the resources to do another. I actually avoided telling my wife of any new ideas and even avoided telling her of breakthroughs in the work. I knew if I told her I would gain my satisfaction but impede my progress because I would lose motivation. I tell her some of the progress but keep it limited.
Years ago a friend of mine was going to open a new business but he wouldn't tell me what it was. He was very excited but wouldn't tell. He said if he told he would gain the satisfaction without actually following through and would then lose momentum. I didn't really get it at the time but now I do.
You may not be exactly the same in this regard but I'll bet it;s something very similar. Look closely at it. and yes, seeking to be "good enough" is not good.
I don't think my W was raised in an alcoholic environment. I think she just really hates my mom for how she treats me and for all the things I've had to overcome due to my upbringing.
Yes, db is about the now. But sometimes if you know why you do something or even come to recognize that you do something it can then be overcome. If you don't know it exists you can't get past it.
Early in our marriage my W would get furious about the things my mom would say to me. Then she's get mad at me for not reacting to them. I wondered what she was talking about. She's say "well your mom said..." I'd say "I don't remember that. what are you talking about?"
This kept up for a long time until eventually when she's replay an interaction I could almost remember it. Turned out I had some very strong self protective mechanisms going on and I literally could not hear all the nasty things that were said. When I did hear them I couldn't remember them later. I eventually could reach deep into ,my mind and hear them after my W would go over it with me.
The human mind is a funny thing.
So anyway, speaking of alcoholism. I was working out when my W left for the evening. After I finished my workout and she had left I went to the kitchen and found that there was a hefeweizen with a lemon tied to the neck set where I would find it in the fridge and my dinner prepared and everything set out. What kind of WAW does stuff like that? Mine does.
I have also noticed the way she says some things lately. There are a lot of we's and us's in her statements. Not like before whenit was all I's.
