SSM-I never said masturbation was wrong, I said it's one sided. What I meant when I said you may need to show her that you want HER and not "just going for the orgasm", I wasn't referring to her orgasms, but yours.
OK, I think I've said several times already that I'm not pressuring or even asking for sex in any way for several years now. And she's much happier for it. So yes, that is working as far as her happiness, and it's why a lot of our marriage is working pretty well at this point. She keeps inviting me out to dinners and fun things to do together, and it's been that way for several years now.
But it hasn't resulted in any indication of sexual willingness on her part. I keep getting the feeling that you're all applying a model of female sexual behavior that doesn't seem to apply to my wife. Could it be that you're imagining yourself in her shoes, and what you'd do?
Over and over and over again, I get the distinct feeling that you conclude that because my wife is not having sex with me, it's because I haven't followed all the steps of the "program". That has been a source of frustration for me when dealing with people giving me advice. It's to the point that sometimes I entertain the whimsical thought of, OK, than you try to have a relationship with her and see how it goes! And you know, if another guy could actually get her to like sex, after all this time, I think I'd be happy for her. In fact, I have actually suggested that to my wife, and no, she doesn't want somebody else. Go figure.
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Why are you here NOW?
Like I've said several times recently, just to vent. And I appreciate those who put up with it. I know my story is getting old for anybody still reading this. It certainly is getting *old* for me.
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You must like to keep spinning your wheels and you definitely like talking about sex.
Given my situation, it's more fun than not spinning my wheels. I'm not one to sit quietly and brood about negatives. I think part of it is that my wife does not want to talk about any of this, so I let it out here recently instead. Probably safer than talking to a female friend about it all, as I've also done in the past. I used to try to talk to her about the whole situation, but I was so persistent that it drove her nuts and she felt so pressured and as she put it, "overwhelmingly guilty".
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B/c your stories are Not consistent and some of them ring hollow.
If you think there's something missing or inconsistent that's relevant and important, just ask. And what rings hollow? The superficiality of my relationship? Well guess what? It is and that's my problem. Especially if, as you describe, mutual sex combined with real love makes it much deeper. Yeah, guess what? I've never had that.
I'm not a literary writer, so my overall emotional descriptions and emphasis on events and reactions may not be presented well.
