Thank you for helping to focus one of the loose ends that was getting in the way
If you think there's a loose end, ask it. You really think that's the issue?
I think my biggest problem is that I still basically have no understanding of the SA issue, if that is the problem, etc. Sure, I've read several books on it, but it's hard for me to identify with it, as I never had a hint that anything like that every happened to anybody until later in life.
I see the advice people are giving me about being so careful and delicate with her about my attitude towards sex. But that's so different from the way she advertised herself when we first met, when she, not me, initiated going to porn flicks just for fun. So I thought, this is the open and cool lady I could live with. And then she turns out to be the total oppostie after some years! I guess she was hoping to "escape" her true self? She never talks to me about the SA thing, and whatever she said with her therapist are private. In any case, I sometimes feel like the effect of SA has left me with an uphill battle I can never surmount. I can never be pure enough, sexless enough, patient enough, worthy enough, or loving to overcome it. I'm only human.
