Back home - but for how long?

[Accuray]

Thanks Rick1963, I'm glad it was helpful.

NYCPeter, good thing you are getting to the lawyer first! You'll know what your W will hear when she goes. If you don't want to sleep with her in the marital bed, you might suggest that she go sleep in the guest room. Do the sheets in there, straighten up, so it's ready for her to move in -- this will demonstrate compassion, and that you're not making a spur of the moment request. Show some "tough love" and try to do the opposite of what she would predict, then don't explain, or if so, keep it high level.

The hard part is that you'll think your actions are going to push your wife farther away, and that you're just building the case for D. What eventually you need to trust is that the opposite is true. She needs to see confidence and self respect from you, and self respect comes in setting boundaries -- like *you* go sleep in the guest room, and you need to create a challenge for her to get into *your* head and wonder what you're thinking.

WRT snooping, I know most of the DB'ers will tell you don't, and it just makes things worse. That can be very true, and it can also become addicting which is also very bad -- once you start you can't stop. One thing to be aware of with FB in particular is that they have implemented privacy controls whereby your W will likely get an e-mail when her account is accessed. FB is strongly prompting people to turn on login notifications, so be very careful there. I'm not as opposed to doing some investigative work as most -- I've needed to know what I'm up against. Your cards have been on the table and hers have not. If you can get some insight into where things stand, sometimes your DB'ing can be more effective, or if OM is involved, you will realize that NOTHING you are doing right now is going to work other than precipitating a crisis / confrontation, and that can go very wrong.

Realize however that it is a violation of privacy and a violation of trust, and come to terms with what you're doing, why, and what your limits are. If your W has been unfaithful then it's easier to rationalize that trust is already broken, but if not, tread carefully!

Accuray