What happens next part II?????

[Rick1963]

This thing about me acting passive is news to me. I always thought of myself as a go getter, Straight shooter, direct and never sugar coat anything. I always thought of myself as being more aggressive than passive. But in looking back I admit that I have been passive in many instances and letting W take care of stuff. Mostly around the pets, D's schooling or decorating the house and our finances. I really don't know how to make this clear in my head yet. But the one thing that comes to mind and it is why I fear the future without her (sad to admit this) is because I feel dependent on her. I have always depended on her financially the most. Even though I have always worked and paid my way? <This is something I really need to look at. The other thing related to finances is that since W bought the horse, 2 years ago she's broke. I pay all of the bills except for 2, food and property taxes. Now in looking back I resented that I'm paying for mostly everything. And I really should not have been upset about it.

I have been paying attention to my interactions with W. Last night W served us dinner. We sat to eat. Our dog is very old and unable to walk. He was at the other side of the kitchen and started to cry. Which latetly means he wants to be near one of us. So I got up to get him and so did W. I got to him 1st and picked him up. W made hand signs that she opposed/was annoyed at me for doing this. Not sure why? I asked where would she like me to put him down. She said anywhere under the dinner table. He stopped crying and we spoke about superficial things while we ate. This is how W always communicates with me. It is usually not all verbal but mostly physical, a stare, silence, turns head, ignores. I always felt that I needed to read her mind to find a response. So what usually followed was me getting pissed, not always an angry outburts but would make some wise remark. This is something I have learned about me. W would say that she does not anwser because she is afraid of me getting pissed, I agree. So last night when she did that I did not get pissed instead I did what I thought was best for the dog and our dinner time. I did not make any remarks or asked why she seemed annoyed. Sandi and 25 I see your POV and will keep looking at it. In addition, for the past 3 weeks I have said very little to W and really trying to practice LRT. Sorry to be all over the place but it has been helping me see things about me when I write stuff even if doesn't make any sense to some.



PS: I'm thinking of inventing a DBIng helmet cause my skull is full of bumps.