Well a fresh day after another sleepless night, when will this all end????
I think I'm now resigned to the fact that Divorce is coming, there is nothing I can do to stop it.
My wife is still angry and hurt, she keeps throwing the past at me, in nearly every sentence, but I think there is also an element of guilt for her actions and the stress of the situation, but she puts this entirely at my door.
All her actions, the OM, the upset, the hurt, the costs, are all being aimed at me, I take responsibility for what I have done, but I cannot be responsible for her actions after that.
She is so angry that she cannot see what is happening around her, she just keeps saying the past 5 years, it getting to sound so repetative now!!
So all I can do is maintain distance, leave her alone, and let the lawyers sort it now.
She is causing major upset to our children, again she is blaming me even though the kids come on the phone telling me they love me and miss me daily!!, she has got money problems mounting through lawyers, and money she has borrowed of her family they now want back, she is potentially going to lose her home, our beautiful house, really this is out of spite as she doesn't know what to do?, if she decides she wants the house selling and move,as she has mentioned as an option, our children will have to leave the excellent school they are currently in?, this is the biggest worry for me, we were so please when my son got a place in this school, and my daughter will go there automatically, this is the best school in the area and he is doing so well there, for this reason alone why can't she see what she is doing!!!!!
She is not thinking logically about the important things in life, its all about " the past 5 years", she has convinced herself that us divorcing and her moving, she will be ok??
Hello, I'm going nowhere??, I'm the kids father and she will probably speak to me everyday for the foreseeable future?
I said this to her last night, that I'm still going to be around, she then said sarcastically, well just move back in and we will all get on, I said I didn't want that, we need to get some advice about us?
She also said last night that she was angry that I agreed with her about the past and things I had done, I said I did, I have validated all my actions and all her feelings, she was also angry that I'm friendly with her, I don't know what she wants??
She is angry that all her little lies and sneaking about are all in the open, and the fact that she cannot continue doing it, she is now saying its my life and I'll do what I want, but unfortunatley for her she can't??, she has 2 kids and bills, and work, while OM just strolls in, no family of sorts, no commitments, and just wants to have some fun!!
As I said at the start I know that the divorce is coming, I'll be fine, I have no worries other than my childrens well being, I miss and love my wife, but she is not the person she was, far from it, she has changed into a selfish lying woman, that I don't know?
I know I have my faults, and I'm working on them, I'm 2 months sober!, but even that gets thrown at me, all she says is your an alchoholic, a drunk, etc, she is in real pain, but she won't listen or think rationally, its all pure venom about the past, we have been split for a year, but the hurt is still there.
The OM has totally clouded the issues for her I think, its all fun for a few weeks, then he's away, the pain is still there, I think the only way she can get over the past is if we do it together.
As I have said on many times we totally loved each other deeply, and she still loves me now, thats why I think there is still so much hurt and anger, OM is just papering over the cracks on a short term basis, but she won't let me in to help with the hurt I caused.
I know what happens, will happen, the legal system will do what it does, and it will be over. But, the problems will still be there, I will still be there, the kids will still be hurting, I just wish she could wake up and see what is going on.
If it was just me being single-minded, why are her parents upset the way she has acted lately, her attitude to our children,and the lies she has told.
Her parents probably don't want us back together, but they are worried about our childrens welfare, they have seen how our son has withdrawn in himself, and the way my wife is happy to pass them around when OM is around, this is so not like her, she loves those kids.
I just don't know what to do at the moment, as anything I say or do will be the wrong thing.
