Nearly 5 years but who is counting?

[missmyfriend]

@forward - I appreciate your trying to help (and here is the BUT); the thing is, if you went back to my earliest posts going back to a couple months after my bomb, you'd notice that people were telling me to not be so hard on myself and realize that some of the blame falls on my W.

As you can tell, I purposefully don't call her my X but my W because I believe that while we are divorced in man's law, I believe we are still married in God's eyes. I know you are intentionally referring to her as my X to probably try to have me accept that she is gone.

Forward, I know she is gone. But neither you nor I, nor anyone else knows if that is permanent. I was a believer before my W left, for many, many years but I wasn't following Christ like I should. Over the past five years, I went from getting close to Christ because of my sadness and loneliness to the point where I am grateful that I had my eyes opened that I was being double-minded, which is worse than being either cold or hot (are you familiar with these verses?).

The scripture that I read are no longer just words on a page. They really mean something to me. This is why I can say that if I had a choice to go back to having my wife at home they way things were before (but without the relationship with God) or to be where I am now (relying on Him for everything), I would prefer the current situation.

I am not trying to assume that you are or are not a believer. I really have no idea but I do know that people who aren't believers consider my stand insane. I really don't care what they think. In fact, I don't know how people make it day by day without Him.

Back to the point I am trying to make. You may not believe me but I do not have anything to do with my W except when their are graduation parties (the situation I mentioned several posts above), graduation ceremonies, taking my daughter down to her first year of college, orchestra recitals for my youngest, and other kid activities. I don't even sit next to my W. I don't speak in innuendos, etc.

I have repeated in several posts, responding to the same comments you have made (and I am responding for anyone else that is standing according to biblical reasons), that I am not entering into her space. The only time I come within any distance are for situations where there is no other choice. I don't really understand why you are stuck on the space issue. I am not certain if you are having issues with me since I am a man or another reason but it is as though you either are ignoring what I am saying or you don't believe that I don't intrude on her space.

Regarding the issue with my mom, I still am confused about how she could be reporting back to me about my W when my mom sees my W even less than I do. She saw her at my Ds graduation and at the grad party but other than that, she doesnt see her.

Forward, I think something about me or my story irritates you. I'm not sure if that is an accurate assessment. If it isn't, I would highly recommend you ask questions about me and my situation before drawing conclusions. There is very little I won't share.

I apologize if I am coming across as a little harsh but my response has to do with the frustration I am feeling covering the same comments you have made several times.

This is not condemning but do you read the bible, i.e. are you a believer? There are several books in the bible I could refer you to as to why I am standing in this fashion.