Are there any midlife women who want daily sex?

[Bagheera]

Something got a little off course here. I'm sure I said I haven't had intercourse in 15 years, and have never seen a woman have an orgasm....

Ha, ha, I only wish I had had all the sexual fun you're accusing me of. But all this talk about it has really piqued my interest in what intercourse feels like. It's been 15 years, and even then it was my wife just putting up with it for my sake.

I'm pretty much done here, but for reference, here are your own statements:

(from your first post, #1804217 - 2009-07-19 11:15:41)

Tea, I'm in a very similar situation. The difference is that when my wife wanted to stop having sex, I told her I took that as meaning I can have sex with other women, because being a nonsexual person is NOT an option for me. I suggested we could divorce, but she didn't want to. So I let it be her choice, with the consequences spelled out beforehand. And my choice is also to stay in the marriage because we have many positive other aspects to our marriage.

So far the positives have outweighed the negatives, but I'm not entirely happy with the limitations of friends with benefits. I miss having the old-fashioned kind of romantic sex within a marriage, in our bedroom, in my own home, with the mother of my children, not to mention the security, safety, convenience and social acceptance of the traditional arrangement. I miss the integrated feelings of love and sex all being facets of the same thing, or so it seemed long ago when that was my love life. I envy couples where they seem to have all the sex they want within their own relationship. I've lost the perspective of what that's like.

(post #1881840 - 2009-11-25 23:27:50)

We last had intercourse just over a decade ago. As for how I get my needs met, let's just say those aren't details for which I'd get wide support and approval from everyone. My wife tacitly approves by not wanting to know. I suppose you could call it a low-key open marriage. And it's the last thing I would have ever believed I'd enter into when I got married. And no, I'm not happy with it, but it's the best I can manage at the moment.

(#1884052 - 2009-11-30 18:11:47)

But honestly, do I feel I have "sunk down" in some way? Yes, and I'm willing to pay the price. I do remember when I had a decent sexual relationship with my wife, I did "look down" on people who cheated. And now I'm one of them. What can I say? It's not cancer, you know, and I've dealt with that in my extended family too. Nothing close to it.

I don't think I will EVER think I made the wrong decision, because I know that thinking that I SHOULD HAVE BEEN CELIBATE FOR 10+ YEARS is just plain baloney. Not a chance. I am not capable of achieving that level of sainthood, so I'm not going to have any regrets about that.

So, either the above statements are true and you are now trying to back away from them, OR it is really all just a fantasy that you've been feeding us: that you *want* to have an open marriage and FWB arrangements, but in reality you just masturbate to porn and pay for the occasional strip-club hand-job or lap-dance.

In either case, take care and best of luck to you.

-- B.