However, my point to you today has been that now that you have stepped outside of your marriage to fulfill your sexual needs, and have been doing so for at least a couple of years now, that you have effectively removed ANY chance that she would choose to stay with you and work her abuse issues over the choice of divorce. In my opinion, your actions have reduced that chance from 'low' to none.
Something got a little off course here. I'm sure I said I haven't had intercourse in 15 years, and have never seen a woman have an orgasm. Never had oral sex with anybody, ever -- could never get my wife to be interested in that, and no, I never pressured her to do that like some guys do. I've had some FWB offers but chickened out so far. Time is another factor. There is no "are you seeing that woman again" issues in our marriage, spoken or unspoken. I have close female friends, but she has met them all, and is good friends with some of them herself. She never had jealousy issues, even in the best of times. It feels like you're grasping at straws here.
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That is why I recommended the course of action that I did -- giving up your extramarital shenanigans -- in order to restore trust and restore at least the 'low' chance that you did have previously.
Well, I can give you the answer to that already, as that's the current situation. If trust is the issue, I'm not sure I can ever get enough trust going when even in the best of times long ago, in the most intimate of moments, she never let me tough her sexually.
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I'm not just making this, SSMGuy. Go look over your relationship books on the issue of recovering a marriage from infidelity.
I have looked at many of them just out of curiosity, to see if they had tips that I could use in my situation. What was frustrating is that any of the self-help books suggest remedies which my wife wouldn't even consider under any circumstances, and then the books claim everything is back on track. And they describe a sexual reunion far better than I ever had in the best of times. Great. I can't even get my wife to start on the first step of many of these self-help books.
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Every single one of them will tell you that the very first step toward marriage recovery is that the infidelity MUST STOP before any real progress can be made. Go look over the infidelity forum here on this site, and you'll see the same story. By continuing to step outside of your marriage to get your sexual needs met, you are essentially locking yourself into the exact two choices that you outlined above.
Ha, ha, I only wish I had had all the sexual fun you're accusing me of. But all this talk about it has really piqued my interest in what intercourse feels like. It's been 15 years, and even then it was my wife just putting up with it for my sake.
