I think her anger was directed inward at herself. I doubt stress from schoolwork was the source. You were wise not to inquire further. You gave her an opportunity to express it she chose not to. She will though. When she does all you can do is DB as you’ve learned to do so well, remember the 37 rules, particularly 23 through 27.
Quote:
My plan so far is to just continue what I've been doing and to let her steer the ship
Good plan no pressure. IMO she is questioning her motivations about M/L with you. She is questioning her decisions. Give her space to process. Keep showing her the man you’ve become, the father you are. Give her time to decide to love you and her life with you and the children again.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Hey everyone, thought i'd check in and give a quick update.
Since my last post, things have been wonderful. I am sure now that W has begun to start taking down the wall. I took last week off from work and W and I spent a lot of time together (shopping, going out to lunch, etc.) while the kids were in school. Just having a good time together and enjoying each other's company. Sort of an informal "dating" thing I guess.
It feels like we are bonding, emotionally and physically...almost like when we first met. Still no R talks, but I feel like we don't need one. Neither of us has said ILY yet...not because it's not there, but more because it feels like when we were first dating and were both scared to be the first one to say ILY.
I wish I could tell you all that there was one specific thing that made this turn happen...but I don't think there was one. It all comes down to sticking to the methods that are preached here over and over again...time, patience, space, and becoming the person your S wouldn't want to leave.
I'm still a long ways from the finish line but I now know it's there....just have to keep the pace slow and steady....
BITS M: 35 W: 35 T14, M11 D9, S6 ILYBINILY: June 09 Unofficially Separated (long distance): 1/2/11 W came home: 3/17/11 EE: July 2012 Dropped the rope: Oct 2012 Piecing: April 2013 Not piecing: April 2014 Stuck.
HUGS navy! I am so happy for you! Patience and DBing does pay! keep it up....
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
Hi Navy. I'm pretty new around here, but I've been reading your story over the last couple of days. I am so incredibly happy for you! How amazing it must feel to finally see where all your hard work has gotten you. You are a good father, a great husband, and a wonderful human being.
Thanks guys. I hope my story helps someone out there...and I plan to stick around here and try to help where I can.
Ellay: thanks for the wonderful complement. Being a great father and husband is the most important thing in the world to me and it really feels good to hear that.
To be honest, I am still in a bit of a state of shock with regards to how my sitch has progressed. It truly caught me completely by surprise...the last couple weeks have almost felt surreal. It is an amazing feeling to think about where I was 7-9 months ago and where I am today, and how much I have grown during that time.
BITS M: 35 W: 35 T14, M11 D9, S6 ILYBINILY: June 09 Unofficially Separated (long distance): 1/2/11 W came home: 3/17/11 EE: July 2012 Dropped the rope: Oct 2012 Piecing: April 2013 Not piecing: April 2014 Stuck.
Navy I know how it feels when you are making progress, you are almost afraid of posting about your sitch because it feels you may be jinxing it, or you don't want to declare victory only to be right back at square one.
Nonetheless congratulations, and please keep posting so that new people can see your sitch and see there is hope.
Navy, I just spent most of the night reading your sitch. Well done, I wish I had the courage and ethic you must have shown to stick to the DB principles and see this through to what is sounding like success.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
Well, last night was a bit of a reality check/fall back to earth. Things had continued to be really good until Tuesday night.
Everything was moving along well when I left for work Tuesday AM. I had a crazy day at work, and wasn't going to make it home in time to take the kids to their swim lessons, so I called W to let her know. She didn't answer, so I left a message. Right after that I got a call that the new tires for our minivan were in and ready to be installed. So I called W back to ask if she could take her other car instead of the van, so I could take the van in to get the tires put on. Again, no answer, so I left a message.
I figured she was busy getting the kids ready and out the door, so no big deal that she didn't answer. I got home from work and the van was there, so I took it to get the tires. After I had been waiting awhile for the tires and after the kids were done with swimming, I tried calling W again to let her know when I'd be home and see if she had any ideas for dinner. She picked up, but passed the phone to D5. I said hello to D5 and asked to talk to mommy. She picked up and was really unpleasant with me...all one word answers...just plain pissed off. So, I decided I'd just cut the conversation off and told her we'd figure out dinner when I get home and that should be in about 30 minutes.
So, I get home and we figure out dinner. W had already put S3 to bed because he threw a Wii-mote at D5. W, D5 and I played Wii for a bit and ordered pizza. I could tell something was wrong with W, but I had no idea what...she seemed upset with me, but I had no clue why.
So eventually, we went to bed and before bed I asked W if she wanted to tell me about her day. She replied no. I then asked her if she was mad at me, she replied no. So, at this point I kind of wrote it off as a bad day for W, and we went to bed.
When I got home from work yesterday (Wed), it was the same deal. W being very short with me and not wanting much to do with me. After the kids were in bed, we were sitting on the couch having dinner and I asked her if something was bothering her...and she kind of unloaded on me.
Told me that she's been feeling pressured and that I've been trying to "make" her talk to me a lot and that I've been touching her a lot. And that she's so sick of us having this same conversation over and over. I told her that I felt like in the past few weeks things had changed, and I didn't feel like this is the same conversation we've been having. The conversation pretty much ended there...W started to get upset and went outside to smoke, and I went to bed.
Not sure what's in store for me when I go home today...
BITS M: 35 W: 35 T14, M11 D9, S6 ILYBINILY: June 09 Unofficially Separated (long distance): 1/2/11 W came home: 3/17/11 EE: July 2012 Dropped the rope: Oct 2012 Piecing: April 2013 Not piecing: April 2014 Stuck.
Hey Navy, if I was looking from your wife's POV, I would imagine she is going through emotional and (maybe) intellectual chemotherapy. As y'all attempt to build your marriage, you can definitely attest that it's hardly ever easy or hunky-dory - and some days are more difficult and painful than others. What I'm trying to say is, in order for your wife (and you) to work upward, she is faced with processing things fast and furious, and sometimes, it shows, like how you described above.
Call it detoxing or some sort.
Let's just hope she doesn't hang on to that negativity for too long, otherwise it will brood. Only she can control that.
