W is moving out.....life goes on...

[aeolianchaos]

IS,

First, your 'backsliding' was minimal.

As I understand it, the need to avoid "ILY" is because it is seen as 'pressure' on the WAS. So.. there are ILY and there are ILY.

That said, probably best to err on the side of caution.. but it happens. In my own sitch, I've said it more than a couple times.. usually followed with "But that doesn't mean we have to be together" In this sense, it becomes a validation of your own feelings without any expectation of reciprocity on their part.

Are you familiar with Heidi Grant-Halvorson's work at all? She summarizes nicely the impact of pre-loading decisions before you need to make them - essentially delegating to the unconscious mind. Might be worth peeking at.

If you think about the WAS's motivations -- they must have some strong internal pressures moving them in the directions they go in. Are you sure you would want to be feeling that?

Keep in mind that they have their own subjective experience where their reasons appear very meaningful for them at that time... not to mention plenty of 'work' at rationalizing their behaviors.

Not to say that what we feel isn't important, or that we are wrong for thinking their reasoning is flimsy.. (I think it often is flimsy, short-sighted, selfish, and born out of ignorance).