did my "I'll let it run its course" approach drive her away faster?
Probably not. I think you've mentioned it before - you thought you did a lot of the wrong things, including some snooping. You suspected these things may have contributed to pushing her away faster. I think you may be more on the money with these suspicions. If you had taken a hard line approach to the EA, would it have made a difference? Hard to say, but there's a good chance it would have driven her away faster. The end result may still be the same regardless. Anyhow, it looks like I took the bait - there's not much point in over analyzing the past. You did what you did.
I'll still say take your time with the D until you can issue a 300% written guarantee that you're done. From what I'm seeing, your W can't write that guarantee. Frankly, right now I think she's writing checks her butt can't cover. You're getting comments and actions from her that are coming out of the WAS fog.
- there's not much point in over analyzing the past. You did what you did.