JB, I appreciate your prayers more than you know....
MB, thank you for that, I am looking for that strength but right now its evading me. All I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry- this too shall pass, I know.
Journaling...
I feel like I'm at my wit's end. In the past 24 hours H has gone from saying he would buy a place for me, with the intention of us staying together and using it as a rental in the future, to only being willing to rent something.
I guess my problem with this is that it means a guarantee of not getting back together for the term of the lease- at least a year from everything I've looked at. And he won't offer anything in terms of what I should be looking for; will he cover utilities, for how long, etc. Part of me says, take it and shut up, the other part of me wants me to tell him to kiss my rear end, I'll figure it out for myself.
He did tell me at one point he was only staying with me because he would lose so much of his income, and renting a crappy apartment for me is a lot cheaper than divorce, right?
Does anyone know if I accept this offer now, will that affect a D if it happens? Setting precedence?
I thought I was doing such a good job of detaching, and it flew right out the window. I also failed miserably at DBing today, crying my eyes out on the phone with H. He just shocked me with the sudden, drastic turn around.
Advice? Thanks in advance. I am so worn out having to explain to my D why her mommy is crying again...
I guess my problem with this is that it means a guarantee of not getting back together for the term of the lease- at least a year from everything I've looked at. And he won't offer anything in terms of what I should be looking for; will he cover utilities, for how long, etc. Part of me says, take it and shut up, the other part of me wants me to tell him to kiss my rear end, I'll figure it out for myself.
You can always handle it as a plan B and keep looking for yourself. Because you sign a year's lease is no guarantee you will or will not get back together. Many apartment complexes will only hold you liable for as many months as it takes to re-rent the apartment. The spiritual side of me says that if it's God's will for you to get back together, He will find a way for you to get out of your lease.
Originally Posted By: realormakebeliev
Does anyone know if I accept this offer now, will that affect a D if it happens? Setting precedence?
My suggestion here is to burn a free consultation with an atty. Just because you talk to one doesn't mean you have to take any action nor does it mean you have to hire that particular atty.
Thanks as usual, JB. I'm really struggling right now, I'm terrified and now instead of pursuing me he is pulling away. Told me yesterday he wasn't sure if he wanted to spend the holidays with us.
This is something I have such a hard time with- the holidays are so important to me, and I have always wanted to create those warm, fuzzy memories for my D. This year I am totally dreading them, thinking about her having 'two' Christmases and how to explain why Santa came twice. Anyone have some advice on how to deal with this?
We had a R talk yesterday, kind of unavoidable but I again failed at DBing. He says he has a lot of fear about us getting back together, and doesn't explain why or what would make it better. Also doesn't want to see a MC. I am so frustrated, since he apparently wants to 'date', but can't even commit to the holidays?
On top of everything, I still don't know what to do about my living situation. The thought of trying to find/pay for/move into a new place, yet another transition for my D, makes me want to throw up. Especially since she keeps asking me why we can't go home.
ROMB, I wish I had better advice on how to handle the Santa thing. I think the best thing is if you and your H can coordinate something for the sake of your D. Broken families and Christmas don't mix too well. I grew up with it, and I literally had the 12 days of Christmas by the time I got together with all of the family fragments I needed to get together with.
Originally Posted By: realormakebeliev
We had a R talk yesterday, kind of unavoidable but I again failed at DBing. He says he has a lot of fear about us getting back together, and doesn't explain why or what would make it better. Also doesn't want to see a MC. I am so frustrated, since he apparently wants to 'date', but can't even commit to the holidays?
You can't control what he does or doesn't do. Don't try to rush things along, either. Remember, it's a marathon, not a sprint. If he wants to date, set appropriate boundaries to protect yourself and your emotions around and take it as a small positive.
Originally Posted By: realormakebeliev
On top of everything, I still don't know what to do about my living situation. The thought of trying to find/pay for/move into a new place, yet another transition for my D, makes me want to throw up. Especially since she keeps asking me why we can't go home.
Keep your options open. Find out what all the options are, too.
Spoke with H yesterday again, and actually had a nice talk about some of his lingering questions. Its funny, I thought it was a great talk, and at the time he seemed to think so, too. Later when I spoke to him again I told him I appreciated it and he wasn't as enthusiastic. Seems like he's looking for problems sometimes, maybe to justify what he's doing?
Anyway, I'm dreading the upcoming month, the MIL is coming to town and that always creates problems. She is a total drama queen, and loves to insert herself in all of her children's problems- she does this with all of her children's spouses, not just me. I'm just the current target. She's already started from some of the things H has said recently.
My anxiety levels are through the roof right now. I've got some GALing plans coming up so that helps, but in the mean time I wish I could get rid of this feeling. H is out of town for the next few days so it will be interesting to see if he calls.
Think I'm going to go for a run and see if that helps my anxiety... stress is great for weight loss! Lol, trying to look for the positives!
I think I would have made JB proud today... I ended up doing an hour on the treadmill! Definitely helped the anxiety.
Got a brief text from the H, nothing other than a quick update that he got to his destination. He also didn't call D, which surprised me but I'm not going to let it bother me.
Seems like he's looking for problems sometimes, maybe to justify what he's doing?
That's very possible. This a common characteristic of a WAS.
Originally Posted By: realormakebeliev
I think I would have made JB proud today... I ended up doing an hour on the treadmill! Definitely helped the anxiety.
I'll give you a big 'ol jbnati seal of approval for this! I am especially glad it helped with the anixiety.
Continue to work on yourself to become the best possible you that you can be. You will find it will help you with the anxiety and will help you with any situations that come up.
P.S. I noticed you added Georgia to your location. My Dad grew up in Rome. Half my family is from GA & AL. I knew there was reason I liked you!
H got home from NY and nothing major to report there- so why do I have such horrible anxiety?? I feel like my chest could explode. Its a really strange feeling and I don't know what to make of it.
Did some GALing this am with an old friend I haven't seen in a while, and we had fun catching up. Just wish this anxiety would let up. I'm trying to maintain some PMA but today it is really, really hard.
H got home from NY and nothing major to report there- so why do I have such horrible anxiety??
Maybe it's because you're afraid there's going to be something imminent you're going to need to deal with? If that's the case, try not to worry about it. Remember, there is nothing you have to deal with right NOW, at the moment. I know, easier said than done. Maybe you need another hour on the treadmill?
Lol, yes, I definitely need another hour on the treadmill! My rear end would surely benefit from that! Seriously, I do think that would help- I have even considered medication but that would be a better option I think.
I feel a little better this afternoon, probably after some manual labor I did for my family.
I did just find out that my H and I will be spending some time together this weekend, at a nearby family venue with our D. Any advice?? I'm thinking this would be a great opportunity for some 180's, not sure what to do so any thoughts are greatly appreciated!!
Seriously, I do think that would help- I have even considered medication but that would be a better option I think.