AJ - Thank you for your post. I've read it several times and have given this a lot of thought:
"Does it matter if you file for the divorce at this point? To anyone other than you? Does it help you if you don't?"
It doesn't matter to anyone else but me, but in the end that's all I have. There may come a day when I honestly feel that it would be best for me to initiate the D, but at this point I'm not ready. It probably does hurt me if I don't. I can see that it may help be complete the grieving process - logically that makes sense, but unless and until I can feel like it is what I want, I can't do it. I truly think it would add to my guilt at this point. Misplaced, or otherwise.
However, giving myself permission......."permission from yourself to forgive yourself". ............permission to let go, permission to believe that it will be ok when the D happens, permission to fully accept the end........is something that I think will help. And, I'm working on it.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
