Talked to W yesterday about information I needed to complete the Marital Property Agreement. We also were trying to agree on a day and time to see the mediator. W then told me she needed to make a dr.'s appointment next week for a serious condition that was occurring - let's say it involved certain internal organs and leave it at that. I expressed my concern and asked her to please keep me informed.
She then asked me to delay the D proceedings - again - because she was not in a place to deal with that. I agreed, feeling that there is no real rush. But I pointed out that she was the one who wanted to speed up the process. Yes, she said, and she still intends to go through with it...just not now. She also said she thought she had already done too much damage to ever be able to return to me, her son or my kids.
This on-again, off-again stuff is really wearing on me. I've been thinking back about these last seven months and wondering if I should have taken a more hard-line approach to her EA when I found out about it...did my "I'll let it run its course" approach drive her away faster? Because she is now living with the OM, even though she still protests her innocence about the whole living arrangement. Perhaps I should have said, "It's him or me...not both."
But that's all history. I feel like I want to move ahead...but I don't. Will proceeding with the D do more harm than good? And at this point, why would I care? She has indicated on more than one occasion she is done; why would I want to be with someone who clearly does not want to be with me?
I should have been a Trappist monk.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
