Trusting, Again, I see a similar timeframe. X is more humble and is nicer to me, but also has new woman and has not made any gestures towards me.
It sounds as though OW's days are numbered. Look at how things have changed. Now she is jealous of you.
I sometimes wonder how he would respond if I were not in another R, but my new guy is so very kind that it nearly brings me to tears sometimes.
I think for me, it is not a matter of not forgiving but more a matter of thinking that I don't want to put myself through some of the things that X put me through again.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
Forward, So nice hearing from you. I totally understand where you are coming from. I am just taking one day at a time and trying to just go on with my life. I am fine being alone and will no longer sacrifice any of my beliefs/values for ex. My next relationship with whoever will be on my terms.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Ex and I have a hearing tomorrow. Back in January he tried to get the child support lowered and did. The hearing tomorrow is to raise it again since his income went up. I have mixed feelings about tomorrow. This stuff seems to never end. My ex likes to litigate frequently........
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Thank you for posting It is so interesting to read about this phase and watch it happen It brings the whole MLC to some reality like it is real over the years I have wondered how real is it? but watching your x come into some form of reality is helpful and gives me hope that someday my xh will aagin become the father I know he could be.. as for now I like u continue forward
peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Thanks for posting. It is always good to hear from you. The hearing/deposition was Monday. Ex was very humble and I did not see any anger or rage like before. I did catch him in a little lie though and I called him on it. The frequency of his lying has decreased and I find this hopeful. Prior to MLC, my ex was the most sincere and honest person I knew. I do see signs of him returning to his old self.
I am in a different place though then I was a year ago. MLC or not, so so much damage has been done. I would never feel the same about our relationship or fully trust him again. Yes, I know you can rebuild things, I just think there would be always something in the back of my mind saying, "be careful". So any attempts to reconcile by him would be proceeded with an extreme amount of caution.
When I see ex now, such as at the deposition. It is all about him letting me know that he is a good guy. He volunteers his services, he is spending more time with the kids, he goes to church, etc.......... I just smile and listen. I am really not sure what he wants me to do....perhaps throw a party!!!!
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Maybe his letting you know about his positive changes are his way of making amends good that you are willing to smile and listen and give him encouragement to continue to find himself that is the best we can do for eachother and especially in these circumstances Maybe its good to really decide what you want..whether a friendship or more still sounds like although wounded, you would want to try again
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I was deeply in love with my ex prior to the crisis. I was truly blessed to have someone like that in my life. He was everything to me. When the crisis hit, he changed into the exact opposite. I don't like him too much, this causes such an internal struggle with me. It also shows me that he has so many issues to work out and has some major identity problems.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Trusting, The problem is that yes, this is indeed part of their personalities, too.
I have asked myself if how I feel is a matter of forgiveness. I forgive a little more each day, and I know I need to work on it, although you can't control how you feel.
The thing is, there is a difference between forgiving and allowing someone to continue treating you badly, and not wanting the bad treatment--or even a chance at it--is perfetly understandable. I would be able to forgive, but I do not want to open up the situation to allow that kind of treatment again. I had PTSD from X's screaming at me.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
Ex again has started texting me a lot. It comes and goes in spurts. He acknowledged in his last text that I bought both girls new glasses and would like to reinburse me for that expense. I thanked him for that. We are meeting today for my younger daughter's school conference so that should be interesting. I have to very much control my emotions and act calm and collected. In one of his text's he mentioned he will be going on another vacation. I simply responded with, "have a great trip but don't you get tired of running"? Maybe not DBing but I am ok with that. I read an article that encouraged standers to gently point out certain behaviors, so I thought I would try that. Life goes on....
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Its a tough line to walk between denial and reality so its ok to try new things I think in a a gentle, loving way keep expectations low b/c person may "hear" and acknowledge the truth or they will deny get defensive and throw it back on you I would keep it simple with him..he may not be quite ready -but he is texting you and you can continue to be the grounding support as OW will be flying off the handle more and more as time goes on he is probably closer now to reality than ever thru the crises but you dont want the fingers pointing as you peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
