Update

[MHL]

Hey GAG,

Glad to see the update, I too have been taking a break from posting, but I popped on today for some reason and saw your new thread.

I think that you have reached a point where you are starting to really step back and look at what you want in a person that you are going to have a close relationship with......and maybe your XH is just not measuring up.

I am glad you went on a quasi-date with this other person, if for nothing else it will put a different perspective on your relationship with your XH.

I have recently had increased contact with my XW and I am finding more and more that I am not that attracted to her anymore. That could be as a result of dating my current GF, but I used to always be attracted to my XW and I have found that there are things that she does now that just sort of turn me off. Nothing major but now that I am fully "over" her, I tend to look at those things more critically.

Could be that you are starting to see things in your XH that you don't expect to change as he moves through his MLC. We tend to get into this mode of waiting for our MLC spouses to go back to the way they were before the bomb and they may never return to that person they were before.

Also, it could be that there were things about your XH that annoyed you previously and you overlooked them because you were "in love" or you tolerated for the sake of the relationship. Could be that now you are no longer willing to tolerate those behaviors since the break in the relationship.

I know for a fact that has happened with me. My XW is a pack-rat.....I don't say that in a derogatory manner....it is who she is and I know that for some people they feel the need to hold on to things. I now know that having a home that is "free" of clutter and junk is important to me and I will not sacrifice that for anyone......even my XW. If she were to complete her journey, fall on her knees, beg forgiveness and want me back I know that if she could not stop that "pack-rat" behavior I could not have a relationship with her.

I think that as you move forward with your life and you continue to interact with your XH you will weigh the pro's and con's of a relationship with him like you would any other regardless of the past and the reason's for his behavior. His behavior is HIS behavior and you have arrived or are very close to arriving at a place where you can more objectively look at things that you will or will not accept in your life.

Then again we could all just be getting "old and crotchety" and set in our ways.

Glad to see the update!!!

Cheers