Well, that's the problem really. If I had been as tough as I should have been, we would have divorced. So it's kind of a moot point. The question now is to bring the topic up all over again, hoping we're better prepared to deal with it.
But you aren't better off now. By engaging in my item (1) above, you have just about guaranteed that she's choose the (b) "separate and divorce" option if you present her with my item (2) above at this point. What's her incentive for TRUSTING YOU if she were tho choose option (a) "work the issues"?
Before presenting *any* ultimatums, you'll need to start all over again with the 'phase 1' and 'phase 2' efforts that I've outlined before. In particular, 'phase 2': re-learning to love and meet the needs (emotional and otherwise) of your spouse, and most importantly for you, rebuilding *trust* again.
-- B.
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
