1. Date with OM went terrible and she is truly regretful. On top of that you set a boundary, and rather than ending up on the street she has decided to respect your marriage. Congratulations.
2. She still is head over heals over OM which she admits and wants to continue to pursue, but actually respects you enough to lie to your face. Yeah you read that right. See in the past she saw you as weak and a pushover. That's why she flaunted it in your face, she was pretty sure you wouldn't do anything. Now that you took a stand she could end up in the street. So now she respects your strength enough to lie to you. Twisted huh?
Either way expect her to test your resolve in different ways in the coming months.
This is a rather tame example but it's a way my W tested me:
In the past when going out for dinner my W would get indecisive, she'd pick a place, I would agree, and she would change her mind immediately. This would go on forever until she would get mad at ME! That's because I was being "nice" (or rather weak).
When I decided to stop these behaviors one of the simple things I did is started to actually make decisions and put my foot down on where to eat. My W could not believe I was finally not being wishy washy for her and would repeatedly try to see if I changed my mind. In other words she was testing me.
Expect lots of testing in the future over simple small things, and even some big things. Don't be surprised if she blatantly starts texting OM in front of you just to see if she can get away with it again.
This might be a good time to mention to NOT snoop. It really doesn't help and just hurts your chances of reconciliation when you get caught. If you find out something hurtful it'll just make things harder too.
Post what you plan to do for GAL especially if it relates to [edited by dbmod, reference not recommended nor allowed] Go out with the guys, have a few drinks responsibly, and unwind a little. Take up a sport if possible, I almost started MMA just to get my manly edge back.
As for her redefining your core personality she already has and will continue to. All you can do is listen carefully for the traits you do have and should fix. (I'd start with any NG traits she complains about). Any traits you don't, no talking will ever make her see otherwise you have to show her.
It's good that you started verbally establishing boundaries, now it's time to physically uphold them.
