I wrote the last post late last night and the thoughts it threw up at me kept me awake all night
I sense that she is scared, the real life issues are coming back to haunt her and its hard.
I have read that I should not make things easy for her, hence the agreed nights of childcare, etc, but I feel guilty for not helping her?
It is obvious that the OM is putting pressure on her to see her when he's about, and she is juggling balls to be with him, the only issue is the impact this has on our kids at this time, they see less of their mum, she usually has me have them more, or her parents, around this time, but then he goes and she wants to be with them again, they must sense something?
Her problem now is, I and her parents are aware of what has been happening and won't let it continue.
My wife told me a lot last night that her parents had said to her before we broke up, basically they pushed her into it, said that they would dis-own her if she took me back, lent her the money to find a new place, etc, so I'm far from their favourite son in law!!!, but they just want what is best for the children, maybe staying together as a family and working on our problems would have helped, but things change!!!
I looked at her last night and she looks tired and stressed, I know this is her doing, she got OM, she moved out and took the kids, she filed for divorce, but I know I cannot help her at this time, this is something she has to deal with now.
We share child custody, and even that is stressful to both myself and her, but also to the kids, they forget where they are on nights, need to remember books, etc, for school, uniforms, friends, etc, it all takes its toll on all of us, and I don't have any answers to it??
Why can't she see that the only way forward is for "us" to work through our problems, for the sake of us all??
It is that obvious!!!
We both have busy stressfull jobs, 2 get kids, and bills, etc, I cannot see how we can continue to keep going "keeping all the balls in the air" as we are, I know how stressed and tired I am from it, and now she is telling me the same.
The OM, just comes and goes, so he's got no commitment to anything, I just wish she would wake up and she what is going on?
Yes, I love her and I want her back, but on top of that we have 2 children who need their parents being there for them, I'm not sure if it is right that parents should stay together for their children, but in this case I think it's best.
We both know we love each other, and I know my drinking caused me to isolate and neglect her, she told me this again last night, that me being dunk wasn't a problem, it was the isolation, she needed attention, and the other guy gave it to her, and ideas of what could be?
But, I am aware of what I did and what I became, and I'm addressing those issues, we have 2 great kids who just want us back together, my son told me again last night and cried, that hurts!!, and with all the pressures of life and what we have been through, we can achieve anything together, but the key word is together!!!!
I suppose she has been "cake eating", I'm there as the back up when he's around for any childcare issues, extra money for childcare when she cannot be off work, or to swap night to suit his wants, then its back to normal when he's gone.
But thats over now, she is alone in the world she wanted, I do what has been agreed and no more, and I think the reality is starting to hit home.
Do I think that this can get us back together?, probably not as she just resents me for it, its all my fault, she never wanted to be a single parent, etc, but I'm being fair to me and my feelings, and not being on the end of the phone for her lies and deceptions.
I'm very confused right now, I thought that by being a friend and helping more was bringing us closer together, but how close can I get with OM in the background?
Maybe a stressed version of her won't seem so appealing to him?, maybe it will bring them closer? I don't know!!
But I can look myself in the mirror and know I've done everything I can, yes I negelected her and didn't meet her wants, but is that a reason to split a family up, and take up with another man?, No it isn't.
