Hi there! These message boards will give you lots of help, encouragement, and perspective...at least they have for me.
Based on your story you may be more in improving the marriage mode than in imminent divorce mode, so there may be some techniques that don't apply. Since your H says and acts like he wants to work on the M, and since he wants affection and love from you maybe detaching and withdrawing aren't the things to do at this time. I hope others with more experience here can post for you.
What you can definitely take from this is do more of what works and less of what doesn't. How is the counseling going? Is it helping? Your situation sounds like counseling is really needed, but do you have the right counselors?
He's replacing something he's not getting from your M with his EA. Do you want him to stop the EA because you told him to or because he no longer wants or needs it? Focus on you and what you can improve about yourself and let him see the change over time. Look for what you contributed to the breakdown - it's hard to see when you feel like a helpless bystander in your situation, but you're not. You have more power than you think, when you focus it on YOU.
There are a few thoughts, hope they're helpful! Hang in there and be patient!
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
