Read the book Co-Dependent No More if you haven't yet.
It is excellent.
I too deal with alcoholism within my family. You can feed it or you can let it alone.
Many years ago, my mom complained about how miserable she was with my stepfather's drinking, and my dad's drinking before that. I finally told her if she wasn't going to do something to change her life, that I didn't want to hear about it anymore.
You can DB an alcoholic, but it definately is more for your benefit than theirs. Like our MLCer's, they have to want to get help, want to change, before it will happen. The bottom line is how you allow it to affect you and how you react to it.
My stepfather likes to drink. I don't like to be around it. So, I leave when he is like that. If I call and he answers and is drunk, I get off the phone as quickly as possible. It really is simple, not easy, but simple.
Your sister, is doing the right thing IMO. She is making her decisions based on what SHE wants for her children. Whether your father likes it or not, that is her choice. Just like it is your mom's choice to listen to him rant about it.
As for the phone calls, the nervousness within your mother, try to have a talk with her. You can't control her worrying but you can reassure her that you are fine now.
I know it's a lot to deal with, but when our M fall apart, if we choose to do the work, all of our interpersonal relationships end up benefiting from it.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
