Are there any midlife women who want daily sex?

[25yearsmlc]

SSM

Wow, I guess I feel deceived, or mislead.

You came here back then wanting to cheat, or get a hooker, or sex w/o strings or a sex tutor...b/c your feelings/ego were hurt and you were not getting anywhere with your w. (Though to be fair, the present thread is vague on specifics as to what you have tried OR SAID and what specifically she did or said and why)

But you are back here again with the same story of not getting ANY and wanting it SO MUCh, albeit worded more discreetly and vaguely.

Why did you hide the fact that you've been here before and --and what?

Why come here? You are dancing around the issues but

This is a pro marriage site so of course we are going to advise that you work on your marriage---and---we hope and believe that will eventually improve your sex IN the marriage....

we are not going to tell you to go outside for it EVEN though we might understand it if it happened...

but you want to plan it ahead of time and not inform your wife of the repercussions of her choices....yeah um, it's unfair to her, at best.

FYI
you compare a lot of your "numbers" about sex to "average couples" you read about and take as gospel truth.

You really seem to think it's all accurate AND that your ability to masturbate in some sort of indication of your libido, but it lacks any context & the two are not the same.

But you say things that excuse YOU more than the average would be cheater...and worse, you are just blessed/cursed with such a high libido that of course a guy like YOU is going to be even more frustrated due to all the denial of sex you think you would have if only your w were normal or more giving.

Hey, I'm NOT going to defend your w's zero sex tolerance policy, okay? I don't agree w/it by a long shot.

But OTOH

your comparisons about sex frequency are very inaccurate and they sound...forgive me, "silly" and I will leave it at that..

My point is comparing your ability to do yourself --w/ reports of couples making love less often than that -doesn't fly....
A guy alone in the shower doing himself, cannot be compared to a man making love to his wife & spending the time to please her. Masturbation is "sex" I guess, but it's by yourself. It's not making love.

It takes skill AND energy AND effort so you can't equate the events.

BTW, women with sex devices can usually get several orgasms in less than an hour, and "without a messy partner"...

yet when given the choice, nearly all of us choose to have our lovers instead...even with fewer O's...

There is something about sexual intimacy that an orgasm alone simply doesn't cover.

Naturally we at DB land are going to urge you to go for the deeper meaning sex. You're saying "lousy sex is better than no sex" or "meaningless is better than meaningful if that takes another decade."

Is it that you think pleasing YOUR w, is just too much work, compared to just having her put out w/no sexual return,

OR you just finding it elsewhere...OR staying stuck in the same self serving mode??

I mean, of those options pleasing her would evidently, take the longest...(but it would yield the most by far)...

You are very stuck. And That's your choice.

I do wonder what your w would think if she knew how you see it and I'd love to hear her reasons for not wanting it at all AND

would love to know what SHE SAYS she expects to have happen
if you two never have sex again.

Does she even get the choice? See, you would have to tell her the truth for her to have that choice.

Given your past threads here, my guess is you have Not been as forthright with her as you need to be. Or as SHE needs you to be so she can knowingly choose.


Frankly,

if your w believed you were going to get it elsewhere AND she was really okay with that, to me that would indicate way more than merely a low libido on her end.

What are you afraid her real reasons are? What's the worst belief she could have?

That you "wrecked" sex for her? Do you believe that?

IF so, we could work with that. (It's not a permanent or incurable condition.)

IF you don't believe or fear that, then why are you so afraid to tell your wife what this is really costing you and her?
Bottom line--

If you truly want real sex badly enough,

but you are SURE you cannot have it inside the marriage--

then you have to have THE tough love talk with your wife.

And obviously follow through, or be stuck and learn to accept it.

It's not easy, but it is not that complicated either.


Good luck