Trying not to hope is hard

[25yearsmlc]

[quote=silveryposter]Yeah well, W sister ratted me out and let her know that I asked some questions. W grilled me and accused me of bringing sister into the middle of things,

which you DID.

even though it'd been a month since I've spoken with her.

No discussion with sil is appropriate, let alone two.


W was pissed, resolved to be done. Her obstinance was a real turn-off, and I think that it's time for me to be withdrawn again.

Don't really like being grilled for asking POV of SIL. She's been a good friend for 15 years, and though it [censored], she's aware of it and that it [censored]. W seems to think that everything will be shiny and happy on the way to D, but I disagree, since I don't want D.


how does talking to your sil help at all with that? Your wife will learn what she learns, and it won't be you teaching her.

Please stop trying to make her see the light. It's not your job. And YOU are the last person who can teach HER that....


She seems to fluctuate between reasonable and omfg crazy.

So back to square one, which is to say, all progress [b]reversed because I asked for POV of SIL. [/quote][/b]


well it is poll taking, but with the idea of influencing the poll. It LOOKS manipulative even if you don't mean it to.

And it's pursuit. You make some progress and then it's like you HAVE to have it lead somewhere and then you blow it.

Saying you haven't asked for a month may sound like a long time to you,

but to me it's a "never ask sil" question so asking twice is crazy. A month isn't long either.

As for the scorekeeping and assessing things

there isn't anything for you to assess now except how YOUR progress is.

Think of it like jurisdictions of the states. Iowa doesn't tell Florida what to do and New York doesn't spend time looking at Texas to see how it is handling Texans problems.

You keep thinking you have to somehow check in your w's progress or growth or accountability

(or so I think) and it is counter productive and not your job and BAD timing too.

Back off, and know that as the 12 steppers say-

"mistakes are not tragedies, but dear God let us learn from them."

Don't repeat this mistake. Learn, improve and grow.

Be the best man YOU can be and please, just leave the results up to God.