W is moving out.....life goes on...

[In_Shock]

OMG Mary, I want to shake you...b/c THIS IS GREAT NEWS that I LOVE READING EVERY TIME...seriously....


okay on one hand you can feel miserable and wallow b/c it's like saying

"good grief w, you left ME for THAT?? How much uglier/stupider/nastier must I be, than I realized, for you to pick that Gollum creature over ME??"

25years my dear friend....first of all...LOL totally at GOLLUM!!! Yep. It feels like WTF X2 As I've said -- I'm highly educated, successful in my field, with a stellar reputation, and I might add, NOT Gollum....somewhere between Angelina and Catherine Z-J and Gollum...LOL..and I'm left for a barely educated elementary school teacher in podunk nowhere? I had her built up to be this Susan Anton (showing my age) tall blonde thing. But this one? Who isn't even PRETTY???? BLAH!!!


I get that. But consider two things, 1) this proves it ain't all about YOU!

If it were all about you, she'd want either to be with the total opposite of someone with your flaws OR, she'd be "moving UP"

And now that you bring it up, I do see your point. I think jb has hit it with the self esteem thing. One thing W has said frequently to me in the past year or more is that "we don't always have to talk about 'lofty' subjects. I'm just a simple person." Yeah...a simple but very intelligent, educated person. OW is just simple... W seems to need/want that right now. I'm trying to 'dumb' down my convo, but he!l there is so much to talk about. Literature, history(my field btw :)) and news/politics.... Surely I believe W will get bored with talk of 5th grade math and planting flowers.... I WOULD. OMG I would, but that's the intellectual snob in me, 25. I subscribe to Harper's and the New Yorker. No hope for me!!![

Maybe this really IS a totally different person from me? "emotionally connected//// * cough...cough* NOT a PHd or even attempting. "simple" Not me in some ways. Yet me in others...../color]

[color:#FF0000]Once when i was pursing and made a mistake -- i told W that someone had told me OW was a user, a manipulator, etc... and that if I ever felt 'below' OW b/c of W's actions, I should consider comparing our IQs. BIG mistake....LOL. W told me that 'things like that don't matter to me" Funny, it did 13 years ago. She told me one of the reasons she liked me so much was (her words NOT mine) because I'm brilliant. Hmmmm....


2) Mary, Would you REALLY prefer the following scenario? I mean, would THIS make you feel "better" about YOU or the situation?

Scenario-

Your w meets a Catherine Zeta Jones type, (or HER personal fav Hollywood looker) and

OW/Catherine ZJ falls madly in love with your w, and CZJ is a well known "expert" in her field, w/a PhD from Yale. Oh, and she's a Rhodes scholar, who also plays in the Boston symphony b/c btw, she's a musical prodigy, and loves to model on the side due to her insanely sexy good looks.

Needless to say she earns high 7 figures and she LOVES to spend it on your w...she also is a skilled dancer and works out and skiis and (whatever else your w loves) AND she LOVES to travel, - which makes their effortless connection incredibly convenient. It's like they don't need to learn foreign languages either!!

If that^^ happened, then what?


You think we'd pat you on the back and say "Gee, next time Mary, aim lower"...?

Instead, this "regular chick" affair makes more sense as it's what most WASs do, and it bodes better for you.

It means it is about how your w feels when with OW, not OW's qualities or your flaws (unless you were really critical)...

And, if it were actually Catherine Zeta Jones as OW, would you really bother trying hard to get her back? (I wouldn't. But I might want to sue!! )

he he he.... u have a way of making it all make sense. Nah, if CZJ was OW I'd slink off with my proverbial tail b/w my legs and feel all gollum myself

Wouldn't you just pack it in and Keep the R with s4 going, and move on?

I say, be careful what you wish for, and figure out what it is about plain OW that makes your w feel so special.

IF it is all about w getting bored and wanting more attention, like a 13 y/o girl w/ADD AND like any r can get after 13 years [i]without cultivation, then she'll discover that in time

and you will have learned the opposite lesson, and you will be somewhere very different down the road.[/i]

But If --you already know a lot of the reasons for your w's feelings and what your role was then Those are the changes you are working on.

So Keep doing them.

Keep making the changes you are making to be a more expressive loving shocked Mary...and that's it. Poof! Do that math!

**btw, imo, I would NOT ask her anything about her weekends or time with OW.

I dont even acknowledge the life of OW. She doesn't exist in MY universe. Well, unfortunately she does, but NOT when I talk to W. I haven't lowered myself to even mention her in a while....

It's pursuit AND self inflicted pain. I can't imagine her telling you anything you'd want to know...

I mean if they broke up, and IF she'd tell you,

then you would not have to ask her b/c she would volunteer info like that.

So, don't ask.

Got it.
And carry on. remember that this is the formula so do the math

consistent change + sufficient time = change she can believe in


and then she'll have to trust that the changes won't revert if you guys reconcile.

AND THEN you two will have to address some other things...cross that bridge when you get to it.

((( )))


Lots of love and peace to you, my dear friend 25. Hope to meet u in philly soon
[/quote]