Are there any midlife women who want daily sex?

[Bagheera]

As you must know from your impressively careful reading of my posts from 2 years ago (I had even forgotten I wrote what you quoted form 2 years ago!)....

I wanted to review your old threads before responding to you again. You truly are repeating yourself over and over now:

(post #1886445 - 2009-12-03 20:31:5)

It goes without saying that everyone on this forum would not approve of going elsewhere to get that experience. The reasoning would be that you could never learn about a really meaningful Schnarch Level 6 sexual experience from a friend with occasional benefits. Again, that misses my point, like telling a starving concentration camp inmate to avoid the 2003 wines from certain California vineyard because that was a bad year. Sure, level 6 sounds good, and I think I can visualize it emotionally, and it sounds great. But if I were to divorce, my giddy thoughts revolve around dating lots of women and having casual sex for a good while, something I feel I missed when I was young because I got married a little too soon, and because I then also missed all that good sex and experience I thought I was going to have in my marriage to make up for the lack of experience before marriage!

Today:

Yes, I'm sure I would eventually find casual sexual relationships to be "stale" after a while. But I wonder if it's really possible to immediately jump to level 6 without first having the perspective of the "stale" thing. Right now, "stale" looks pretty darn good to me. Isn't it kind of like telling a starving concentration camp inmate that he shouldn't settle for McDonald's when he can have gourmet food?

(post #1882811 - 2009-11-28 16:40:09)

Cinco, I agree with you, and I've been aware of those thoughts for a long time. I'm not fooling myself, I know darn well that I'm at Schnarch's level 2. I know I'm missing a lot. But on the other hand, I love sex and level 2 is still pretty damn fun. Part of it is that the level, variety, and frequency of sex in my marriage has been so meager that I'm basically at the late-teen stage of sexual "coming out" and exploration. Experiencing a woman responding physically is an absolutely new thing for me. Certain sexual positions are totally new for me. Having a woman wanting me to touch her breasts or her genitals, or even me permitting to do so, is TOTALLY NEW for me -- never experienced that in my life. So when you understand that, it's kind of "up in the clouds" to be talking about my need for soul-searching unions and blissful spiritual sex, etc. I'm quite happy to be operating at level 2 for a while until I get the hang of things. I'll let you know when that gets boring and I'm ready to move on to the higher levels!

And today:

As for the concept of moving forward, I would say, I want to move forward through a lot of really fun stale and intense physical sex, so I can later enjoy the more emotionally fulfilling sex. And there's a practical reason too, of course. I can't order up the latter overnight, but I can sure fill the time with the former until I get the latter. At this point, I don't relish the idea of waiting for sex until I have a good level 6 situation. That's setting the bar too high. I don't see why I shouldn't first totally enjoy "stale" sex until I get tired of it?

With regard to Scharch's levels of couple sexuality / intimacy, which I'll repeat here from Cyrena's post to you two years ago:

(post #1882014 - 2009-11-26 12:48:22)

In his hugely respected book about human growth and sexuality, David Schnarch outlines a hierarchy of levels of engagement with sex partners:

1) sexual predation
2) casual consentual sex, f*ck buddies, etc
3) relationships with some "emotional investment"
4) being aware of and trying to fulfil some of partner's emotions and needs
5) "Partners realize and appreciate each other's deepest core personality and potentials--pushing themselves to disclose their most private and personal truths."
6) profound bond with a single partner in which "sex becomes a form of spiritual communion celebrating the mysteries of life"

Obtaining 'level 6' is HARD work, and few couples ever achieve it. I know of only one on these boards, DanceQueen and her husband, but that's it. My own wife and I are still in the process of recovering from a long-term (20+ years) SSM (not sexless, but sex-starved), and I would consider us as only just now encroaching into 'level 5' territory most of the time (but not all). It's not easy stuff, and requires tearing down *all* of your previous fears and insecurities, and really learning to TRUST another person with your innermost, most vulnerable self.

I really have no advice to offer you SSMGuy, as DanceQueen and SillyOldBear did an excellent job of trying to help you in your previous thread. The only thing I wanted to show you was just how utterly *stuck* you seem to be, to the point that your writing here is chasing it's own tail, so to speak.

Take care,

-- B.