Our next MC is Thursday, and I'm wondering about asking her about this (previous post). I was thinking about asking her to clarify what she meant that it gave her a lot to think about, as I want to understand what she's going through. "What she's going through"??? Let HER tell YOU...
Otherwise, that is just more r talk, temperature taking and pursuit.
You want to do that? Really?
Why not let her talk more (you less) and you just gather data, like a "recon" mission AND KEEP DOING YOUR OWN WORK!!
Earlier in your posts you would "own" an issue of yours and say you were going to work on it
[b]but nearly always you would then follow up with something about HER that needed changing...and your concern that SHE wasn't looking at HER... that "scorekeeping" will defeat you.
Just focus on your own stuff in your own sandbox and stay out of hers. Don't make this about assignment of blame and believe me, that is what it was.
You must see that by now.
hey SHE has to believe marriage to you can be better and different.
WHAT IS DIFFERENT /BETTER ABOUT YOU NOW?
Her beliefs won't change from you , again, "correcting" her flaws or her misperceptions (ie you trying to convince her that you are right...please get this)...
It will come by her believing you are different now, by seeing a different you.
[/b] The underlying fear she has is that your change are 1) not real 2) not lasting 3) real but will change if SHE recons with you 4) it's too late.
The only sensible approach you have to this^^^ is to keep the changes going for YOU. Then you'll convince her of the first 3 and as for whether it's too late
maybe time apart will reveal that or maybe not. But TIME will. Don't keep letting your neediness push her farther away.
I'm not sure if I should get her permission beforehand so that she doesn't feel ambushed, though if I present it as truly trying to understand (which really that's all I'm looking for right now) she is less likely to feel negative about the question.
However, I'm not certain. I feel like given the situation and what we are trying to achieve in MC, better communication, it's a valid question. Thoughts?
If your question is, "how are you feeling about us?" be prepared to get an answer you don't want, and her verbalizing it cements it in her head/heart more.
Why not let her set the pace and agenda until if and when you have a matter you MUST discuss?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
