NYC, I will not put words in Harrier's mouth... but I will expand on that a bit...
For me, that understanding really boils down to realizing your part in the break down of communication...
Without a doubt, your W... most of our spouses... need to own THEIR part...
When communicating, and I'm sure you are very well of this, NYC... when we want to be sure that something is communicated FROM us TO another... we state, ask the recipient to repeat and express their understanding and if it appears skewed to what we intended, we restate in another way and repeat until we are sure the recipient is clear on our intentions...
But, you also understand that communication is a two way street... and often they say, it's twice as important to listen (actively; using the same techniques as a recipient of information) as it is to speak...
So...
The question to the person who states, "if only they would have told us"... it begs the reflection... "how was I not listening that I did not hear the message, and how can I fix that?"
Own your part for not listening... do not attempt to own your W's part for not being sure you both HEARD AND UNDERSTOOD the message...
