I've been working over the past two weeks with my Dad DBing my alcoholic mother. Things came to a head a couple weeks ago when my mom started in on me and I engaged her in convo. This is ongoing, but rarely do I engage her. I was already in a bad emotional state and she became my target.
Short story is, my Dad involved himself in the convo and it got... really ugly...
After the dust settled and I took some time to clear my head (and I was actually DBing her during the altercation), I considered what worked... and what didn't... and how similar that was to DBing a M...
So over the past two weeks I have been coaching my Dad and... my mom is now on ADs... we'll see what happens... but it's a positive, baby step...
It really is the same in many ways... don't engage the spew... don't enable... don't react... be strong and stand up for your rights... GAL, 180, etc...
They say you can't teach old dogs new tricks... well, there's plenty of people on these boards who are 65+... my parents are 66 and 67... they are... learning...
It might take a little longer and the older we are, the more tools we have in our pocket for knowing how to engage someone who does not want to engage... how to push our buttons... My mom's is the use of deflection, projection, martyrdom, and vulgarities... it's quite a dance, but when I'm strong enough to do it, I take her attacks head on and encourage her to let it out... I have learned not to take it personally, because I pretend it's the alcohol talking... or a scared, little child...
It's hard... emotionally draining... and the child in me comes to the fore and I want to run away and hide under the bed...
I wish you and your family well with your sitch...
