Of course I do, but if there is an OM then I don't, I want to move on and put it past me and it is her loss. I know I sound selfish or illogical, as I am so desperate to be with my W again, but I just could never bring myself to trust her again or it would never leave my thoughts.....I don't deserve that. I've beat myself up a lot over this and I've done and changed everything in my life she asked for, yet she still never gave me a chance. Also, she has too much pride in herself to go back.
Sigh .....
That is definitely the easy way out.
But nobody said DB'ing was easy.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
Let me say that I do not believe it is our job to define someone elses boundaries. Cam will need to do that for himself.
But let me add...
At this point OM is only a discussion and a possibility, nothing has been proven.
Second, cam, honestly, I do not believe you have a clear enough head right now to make a major decision about the rest of your life.
So cam, my advice for you, as it has been, is simply to fix cam. This is what YOU can do. It is not dependant on anything she is or isn't doing. It should be done whether you R or not. So make this your priority.
Find your center. Find your strength. Don't let her actions define you.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
You know it seems the whole idea of the OM was planted by this very "supportive" group. Before that Cam when to great lengths to say why he didn't think there was an OM.
but it's really beside the point, now. His W doesn't want to reconcile with him right now.
If Cam found an OM, I think he's just being honest with himself and us. We all have our deal-breakers. For some it is a PA, for some it is an EA, for some it is drug abuse, others emotional abuse, etc.
Cam will have to live with the decisions he makes, I just pray that he has enough strength and wisdom to make the best decision for him.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
Drew, it is the easier way out if thats what happens......but in a way it would be a way to end this pain and move forward, knowing that yeah I contributed to my D, but also I tried so much to save our M and did everything she asked of me. I feel that when she moved out in February, there was never any intent to come back and she strung me along for 3 mths, "getting her feelings back" when it wasn't going to happen. I know you're frustrated with me!
CS, despite how it looks, I am doing a lot to fix myself. My W even noticed it last weekend. I am spending a lot of time at IC identifying and working on why I am in this place. Yep, I'm finding it hard to detach as for some stupid reason I still love my W so much, but having the thought of her with an OM makes it easier for me to want her out of my life.
Harrier....you're right re the idea about OM, but I think it is also probably an awakening that I have been pretty foolish to think there is no one and she is still this sweet innocent girl. I also thought she would have th decency and respect for me to tell me, but then who am I kidding she hasn't been decent or respectful during the last 6 mths.
Thanks guys!
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
Just had a session with my DB Coach and went through all of last weekend's meeting with my W. He seems to think that I'm in a better position than I think (doesn't feel like that!) but given she cried so much and couldn't handle talking, he feels she much still have an emotional connection to me and is grieving on some levels.
He did have a go at me for more 'chasing' with reference to 'let's try MC or work on this some more, I don't want to give up etc etc'. He's right, but its so hard to sit there and say nothing when I still see this sitch as ridiculous given how well we get along still.
Next steps: he suggests getting a key cut for her for our house and meeting up with her to give it to her to come and get her stuff - basically help her walk away more. I hate the thought of this, but I guess I have to. Then, as she suggested, set another time with her to start the discussions on splitting assets.
And I have to validate her perception on things again - ie all the things I have done wrong (8 yrs ago!) and ask her how that made her feel and validate, validate. With regards to any OM talk....will leave this for now. I don't want to spend money on a PI...she may be or she may not be..I would still like to think she is not (as everyone would I suppose), but its her life and if thats what she wants to do then so be it. besides, even if I find out there is one, then all it will do is upset me more and cause me to do things I'm sure I will regret one day.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
Wondering how to approach my W and give her a key to the house to come get her stuff and whether this is the right move.....very apprehensive about doing this. Anyone had experience doing this or any thoughts??
Met with my IC last night and told her about the weekend and my W's reaction. She seemed to think that yes of course she is sad, but that doesn't mean anything. Its expected when going through something like this, there is always going to be some sadness. So I shouldn't read anything into it, and just take it as part of her moving on process. So I guess back to most hope is gone. I tend to believe her, given I have spent a lot of time explaining who my W is, how she reacts to things, her history, her natural inclination to run from problems etc.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
