GALing and Boundaries with XH

[AntoniaB]

Ok, I got it now. Subtle difference, but a difference. Actually I think I may start applying this to my father and tell my siblings and mom that it may work. We've talked a lot in the past week about what to do about him because since my mom has been back from her trip, he's been awful to her (predictably). I'll add this next part if anyone feels like giving me advice on how to use "DB" with my alcoholic dad--but ignore if you just want to read MLC stuff :-)

I have a sister that he forcibly bought a computer for (laptop) for her kids because he wanted them to play an online game against him and I guess she didn't want the kids tying up the family computer with it. She told him "No, I don't want them to have their own laptop yet. Wait till they are older." He bought it anyway. Made her take it home. Then said "you need to get a router." That was 2 months ago. She didn't go get the router yet. I think she just doesn't want them online a bunch of hours.

Mom returns from her trip; Dad screams at her "did you know she still didn't buy that router after I bought her that 700 dollar computer. She's ungrateful." Mom says "I can't make her go get the router." Dad says, "Why don't you go back to Germany; that's where you belong."

Why do I know this? Mom tells us EVERYTHING he says to her. Always has. That's one missing boundary. Another is dad parenting my sister's kids.

So how do we all deal with "DBing" this guy? He's a piece of work, isn't he? How do you teach boundaries to your parents who are 67 and 76?