I feel like without solid answers from him then I'm in this purgatory of "is he?" or "is he still?" or "is it over?" or what is his master plan?
I guess this is why I bring it up - perhaps it would be useful to you at this point to KNOW if he is STILL having the affair? If you knew TODAY that it was definitely still in full bloom, how would you handle it?
Is your 17 year old still at home? Could H just be waiting out the senior year of high school? (Not a bad aim, I might add).
The advantages of waiting out the affair - taking the opportunity to show your H how much you can change, how nice it could be at home, using the time to get your financial ducks in a row - all these can be important and useful. BUT - you've been doing those things for quite some long time now. If you don't like the results you are getting, it may be time to change up the game plan. If you are willing to take the risk, that might include confronting him with INCONTROVERTIBLE proof of the ONGOING affair, and kicking him out.
That might motivate him to stop the affair, if it has been waning anyway. Or it might just force him to choose, which might mean choosing her initially - which might eventually cause the fun and excitement of sneaking around to wear off while he gets jealous about you going out with new guys.
But I think first, it might benefit your own piece of mind to get a little more CURRENT CONCRETE evidence of what is or isn't going on - maybe even hire a P.I. to take pictures.
Oh - and if someone is offering you a full time job with benefits, in this economy? Take it. You'll feel much less vulnerable if you do.
